I had been dreaming about it for a long time. Fantasising about all of the things I could get done. Giddy over the thought of having a day all to myself. A day where I wouldn’t be up to my elbows in someone else’s poop. I had been counting down the days with delight.
And then that beautiful day arrived. I drove the kids to daycare, Daniel’s very first day, Hannah’s very last. But there was no happy dance. Not even a gigantic smile. Instead, I nearly cried. Yes, me.
After I spent way too long telling Mel (who looks after the kids at her house, it’s family daycare) all the ins and outs of Daniel’s sleep routine, what he likes, doesn’t like, etc. I stood there for a bit, not wanting to leave, but knowing I needed to. I had to step out that door, and leave my baby behind. Just for the day.
What if he cried for me? What if he wanted to come over to me and give me one of his trademark affectionate head butts? What if he was overtired and couldn’t get to sleep? What if he missed me so much he just couldn’t settle down? What if he didn’t eat his lunch because I wasn’t around and the whole thing was just so new/weird/different? Would he be ok without me? Would he go from room to room searching for me? Would he be happy? Oh my gosh, what if he wasn’t?!
It was easier the first day I dropped Hannah off at Mel’s. She was two and a half. She could talk. She understood what was going on. She wanted to go. I know because she told me. She was older, I knew she’d be ok.
I know you’re all wondering, am I going back to work? Is that why I put him in daycare? No. I intend to do a lot of house chores, and finally finish my book (the one about pregnancy). Research shows it’s actually good for kids to go to daycare a day or two a week once they turn one. Plus I plan to start uni next year, so I wanted him to be very settled in his care and start slow, with just the one day per week.
Before I even finished explaining Daniel’s sleep routine, he was off. He high-tailed it to the toy room and didn’t look back. I went in before I left to say goodbye and let him know I’d be back later (And of course to give Hannah a hug and kiss too.) I expected a stream of tears, yelling, and him looking up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes while he hugged my leg.
Instead, he turned straight back to the toys. So I left.
I thought about him all day. Wondering how he was doing. If he was crying, or sad, hungry, confused, etc. I managed to hold off texting Mel until mid day when I couldn’t take it any longer. So I wrote to her “How’s he going?”
“He’s loving exploring around.” She wrote back.
He even went to sleep without much fuss. I know he does that here all the time, but not without me reading to him, singing to him, and giving him a kiss and putting him in his own cot. Not without me.
He was fine all day. He didn’t cry or get upset. He didn’t wander around saying “mommy, mama,” while sticking his bottom lip out. Not at all. He played. He explored. He had a great time. He did just fine. Which is great, but the selfish part of me wanted him to miss me. Wanted him to call out for me. To be a little bit sad when I left.
I know, that sounds terrible, and I’m really happy that he did so well. I’m sure I’m not the only mom who feels this way. I’m really hoping he does just as well this week. Last week he had Hannah there with him, but this week she started preschool. Consequently, she won’t be at daycare with Daniel. Hopefully he won’t mind.
I know, adorable right?
Since I’m currently weaning Daniel (we’re down to one very quick feed before bedtime, and hopefully that will cease in the next few days), and I no longer have to worry about such things as breast pads and waking up in puddles of milk (which I unfortunately have, more than once. I even ruined a mattress), what better time to do a breast pad giveaway? That’s right, no better time! Don’t worry, these aren’t my old, don’t-need-them-anymore pads, these are brand new, haven’t actually been released in Australia yet breast pads. So if you win, you’d be one of the first people to try them out.
Don’t forget your night breast pads or you might wake up in a puddle.
To win one of 5 packs of Philips Avent Night Breast pads (to curb that annoying puddle wake up), all you have to do is comment on this post. Winners will be drawn via random.org. Must be an Australian resident to enter. 5 winners will be chosen. Winners will be sent a feedback form in the post after their trial. Winners will be drawn 27 August 2012 and will be notified via email.
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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson
Mommy Adventures 
Would love to try these thanks for the chance – second daughter due in November 🙂
There really is such a mix of emotion when our kids start any outside-of-the-home care. I had the child that wouldn’t let go of my leg when she first started Montessori when she was 2. It was horrible. Your daughter looks so adorable in the photo! ❤
Love some breast pads, thanks! p.s. Can’t believe that preschool was so rigid!!!
Awwww mommy ! You’re not the only one to feel those motherly emotions rushing out , when kids first step away from us into the actual world !
I felt exactly the same way, same anxiety, same little selfishness , that wanted them to miss me !! 😜