Not a vibrator (I don’t think)

I have to admit, I laughed when I opened the email containing a review request for the LELO Smart Wand all over body massager. Usually “all over body massager” is code for…you know…vibrator…. And I’m not about to start reviewing vibrators.

But then I watched the how to use it YouTube video (and I was quite apprehensive of what I might be about to see before I hit play) and found that it actually is a massager. I think.

How to use the LELO smart wand

So I said yes. I could use a massage, so sure, send it my way. I googled LELO smart wand, and found you can buy them from sex shops. Hmm… What was I getting myself in to?

It’s actually quite large. The end is about the size of my fist.

I seriously thought a vibrator was going to turn up at my door step. When the LELO did arrive, the box was quite large. I didn’t know it was the LELO that the package contained. Discreet packaging you see. Which is good, because if a delivery man thinks that kegel exercisers are “personal massagers,” (you can read that story here) then what would he think of an all over body massager? I didn’t really want to re-live that embarrassment again. Phew.

I opened the box.

“Oh, that’s definitely not a vibrator!” I told Aaron rather excitedly. It was way too big for that sort of thing. If I ordered a vibrator for actual um… vibrate-y things, I would be like “Oh heck no! You’re not coming near me with that thing!”

So yeah, all over body massager it actually is. I’m pretty sure.

I checked all of the instructions for good measure. There was no “do not insert…” warning, but I’m still going to go with that’s not what it’s for.

Massaging her own back. Easy.

It just so happend that I could use a shoulder massage, so after charging it up, I turned it on and went to work. With the 8 different vibration settings, I could start the massage slow and pick it up from there. Oh boy did it undo some knots.

It’s easy to reach your own shoulders because of the curved design. Oh, and did I mention it’s water proof? Yeah, you can take that bad boy in the bath with you. Relaxing bath, with a shoulder massage? Yes please. Can you tell that shoulder massages are my favourite? It’s also relaxing on my legs, feet, and lower back.

So just why is it shaped rather like a penis? I’m not sure. But because it is, I feel like I have to hide it away so anyone who comes over doesn’t see it. Even though it’s not used for any coital purposes. And I certainly can’t let any friends have a back massage with it because it does look like a vibrator. Despite it’s large size. I think they might be rather frightened if I pulled it out and said “hey, try this out.”

Hannah thinks it’s the best toy ever, and loves to turn it on and run around the house with it. Which looks rather funny/alarming/weird/horrible/cringeworthy due to it’s phallic appearance. I really hope that she doesn’t go in my room, grab it, and run around with it when we have people over. Sigh. Hopefully she doesn’t know where I hide it.

Maybe people do use it for um…you know… Maybe they don’t. I don’t know. All I know is that I use it as a shoulder/leg/foot/back massager, and it is very good at that. 

PROS:

-8 different settings
-Curve makes it easy to reach your own back and shoulders
-Comes in different colours (Mine is purple, my favourite!)
-Completely waterproof
-Rechargeable
-1 year warranty
-Discreet packaging

CONS:

-Phallic appearance (although maybe some people like feeling like they are getting a back massage from a penis?)
-A bit pricey
– I really hope my Grandma isn’t reading this

To Buy a LELO smart wand, click here

UPDATE:

The lady who contacted me about reviewing the smart wand seems like she has a good sense of humour, and is easily approachable, so I asked her, “Just out of curiosity, do people use the smart wand as a vibrator?”

Hahahaha!

She said it was designed to be used on the back and legs and shoulders, and that it should not be used as a vibrator. But, ” since we can not control what people do when they buy a product ( as much as we can not control what people do when they buy a cucumber at the supermarket) some people, we have noticed, use as clitoris vibrator (not inserting anywhere, i hope), but they do it because the vibrations are really strong.”

I love that she put the bit about a cucumber in there. Funny lady hahahahaha!

*I received a free LELO smart wand for review purposes.
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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson

A stupid injury

Every time I cough, I’m in pain. When I sneeze? Oh goodness, I don’t even want to talk about that! Laughing hurts. Taking a deep breath hurts.

When I broke my wrist, and wrote it in a Facebook status, a friend commented that knowing me, it must have been done in some weird/crazy fashion. Yeah, it was (you can read about it here if you so choose).

But this injury? It’s just embarrassing. And ridiculous. Sigh. I’ve had this obnoxious, horrible cough for 2 weeks.

Aaron had been sleeping on the couch to avoid waking up a million times a night to my obnoxious coughing, so finally I decided enough was enough and took myself to the doctor.

Turns out I had a throat infection and I got some antibiotics. After a couple of doses, my cough started clearing up. But I still had some coughing fits. Just not as many.

Cough cough. Cough cough. I was coughing hard. And fast. And then my left side hurt. Right under my boob. It wasn’t terrible though. Just a little sore.

Until I coughed some more the next day. The pain expanded from the from the very inside edge of my ribs to my side. Every cough was agony. But I still needed to cough. It hasn’t gone completely away yet.

I pulled a muscle in my chest coughing. Yes, that’s right, coughing. Sigh. What am I, 80 years old?

The doctor told me to take Nurofen,  an anti-inflammatory pain reliever, 3 times per day.

Now if only I could go to the gym. I can’t do weights because it would hurt my pulled muscle. And I can’t run because at the moment running makes me cough and coughing is agony. Did  I mention I’ve signed up for a fun run in a couple of weeks? My very first race? Yeah, great timing. Not that I could run as fast as I want anyway, since I will be pushing a pram.

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When rules go too far

Hannah and I made some delicious healthy chocolate muffins as a snack for her to bring to preschool.  Nuts aren’t allowed at preschool (due to allergies suffered by some kids), so I left out the pecans and put in some raspberries instead. Did I mention that they are super healthy? Yogurt, banana, oats, chia seeds, stevia, cocoa powder. Nothing bad. Not full of sugar.

When I picked Hannah up from preschool, I got her clear lunch box out of the fridge and noticed something, besides the vegetables that she didn’t eat, inside. When I opened the lid, I found her mini chocolate muffin in a little brown bag that said “I’m no longer pre-school food.”

ECOlunchbox Three-in-One

Um…what?

I held up the bag, found the nearest employee and said “this is a healthy muffin. There isn’t any sugar in it, and it’s full of healthy ingredients. I made them.”

She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Do they have chocolate in them?”

“They have cocoa powder in them. Cocoa isn’t bad for you.” True story. Cocoa is really healthy, it’s the fats and sugars they put with the cocoa in chocolate bars that makes it not so good.

“Well, anything with chocolate in it is not allowed.”

So I could put a sugary, unhealthy vanilla cupcake in Hannah’s lunch, but she’s not allowed to have a healthy chocolate muffin. Because it has cocoa in it. No exceptions, no negotiations. I don’t think they know much about nutrition, so it’s blanket rules for everyone.

Maybe that doesn’t sound so bad, but that was right after I was told they didn’t give Hannah her milk today.

Hannah has a rash on her bottom that resembles big angry pimples. The doctor said it’s a bacterial infection and gave her some antibiotics. She isn’t exactly jumping with glee at medicine time though, so I hide it in her drinks. I put the antibiotics in her milk and then disguised the taste with sustagen (a chocolate powder with vitamins, minerals, and protein. Used in hospitals for patients who aren’t getting enough nutrients).

Ensure Bottles, Chocolate, 8-Ounces, 16 Count Bottles

Yeah, chocolate. 

“We don’t allow flavoured milk.” I was told when I dropped her off. And fair enough, I get that. Not that Sustagen is the same as just chocolate flavoured milk, but I see the point. Too many kids are drinking unhealthy sugary drinks instead of good old milk.

I told them why the milk had sustagen in it only to be told that usually I would need to bring in the antibiotics bottle so they could see Hannah’s name on it and the dosage needed. And then if I wanted it in Hannah’s milk, they’d have to watch me do it, or do it themselves. In addition to signing a form stating what she is taking, how much, at what time, etc.

“But we’ll let her have it this time.” They told me. Because I’m new and I didn’t know. No worries. There are some dodgies out there who get medicine for one kid and then give half of it to another. Fair enough. I know they are just looking out for the kids.

When I picked her up though, I was told she wasn’t allowed her milk because it had antibiotics in it and they hadn’t seen the bottle. “Yeah, I was told this morning that she could have it this time, but next time I’d need to bring the bottle.”

“Oh, sorry about that. She was pretty upset that she couldn’t have her milk”

I was pretty cranky. “Of course she was, she always has milk before quiet time, and she knew I packed milk for her.”  She looked at me all surprised. “I should have been told. I live just down the road, I would have come back with the bottle.”

Seriously, who are they to decide that my child needs to miss a dose of antibiotics without informing me? Are they trying to create superbugs?

Hannah’s preschool is good. She loves it. She is happy. She has a great time. But ugh, the ridiculous rules. Sigh. I’m still annoyed about the muffins. We made them especially to bring there! AND THEY ARE HEALTHY!!!!

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Almost a tear

I had been dreaming about it for a long time. Fantasising about all of the things I could get done. Giddy over the thought of having a day all to myself. A day where I wouldn’t be up to my elbows in someone else’s poop. I had been counting down the days with delight.

And then that beautiful day arrived. I drove the kids to daycare, Daniel’s very first day, Hannah’s very last. But there was no happy dance. Not even a gigantic smile. Instead, I nearly cried. Yes, me.  

After I spent way too long telling Mel (who looks after the kids at her house, it’s family daycare) all the ins and outs of Daniel’s sleep routine, what he likes, doesn’t like, etc. I stood there for a bit, not wanting to leave, but knowing I needed to. I had to step out that door, and leave my baby behind. Just for the day.

What if he cried for me? What if he wanted to come over to me and give me one of his trademark affectionate head butts? What if he was overtired and couldn’t get to sleep? What if he missed me so much he just couldn’t settle down? What if he didn’t eat his lunch because I wasn’t around and the whole thing was just so new/weird/different? Would he be ok without me? Would he go from room to room searching for me? Would he be happy? Oh my gosh, what if he wasn’t?!

It was easier the first day I dropped Hannah off at Mel’s. She was two and a half. She could talk. She understood what was going on. She wanted to go. I know because she told me.  She was older, I knew she’d be ok.

I know you’re all wondering, am I going back to work? Is that why I put him in daycare? No. I intend to do a lot of house chores, and finally finish my book (the one about pregnancy). Research shows it’s actually good for kids to go to daycare a day or two a week once they turn one. Plus I plan to start uni next year, so I wanted him to be very settled in his care and start slow, with just the one day per week.

Before I even finished explaining Daniel’s sleep routine, he was off. He high-tailed it to the toy room and didn’t look back. I went in before I left to say goodbye and let him know I’d be back later (And of course to give Hannah a hug and kiss too.) I expected a stream of tears, yelling, and him looking up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes while he hugged my leg.

Instead, he turned straight back to the toys. So I left.

I thought about him all day. Wondering how he was doing. If he was crying, or sad, hungry, confused, etc. I managed to hold off texting Mel until mid day when I couldn’t take it any longer. So I wrote to her “How’s he going?”

“He’s loving exploring around.” She wrote back.

He even went to sleep without much fuss. I know he does that here all the time, but not without me reading to him, singing to him, and giving him a kiss and putting him in his own cot. Not without me. 

He was fine all day. He didn’t cry or get upset. He didn’t wander around saying “mommy, mama,” while sticking his bottom lip out. Not at all. He played. He explored. He had a great time. He did just fine. Which is great, but the selfish part of me wanted him to miss me. Wanted him to call out for me. To be a little bit sad when I left.

I know, that sounds terrible, and I’m really happy that he did so well. I’m sure I’m not the only mom who feels this way. I’m really hoping he does just as well this week. Last week he had Hannah there with him, but this week she started preschool. Consequently, she won’t be at daycare with Daniel. Hopefully he won’t mind.

How to Choose the Best Preschool for Your Child: The Ultimate Guide to Finding, Getting Into, and Preparing for Nursery School

I know, adorable right?

Since I’m currently weaning Daniel (we’re down to one very quick feed before bedtime, and hopefully that will cease in the next few days), and I no longer have to worry about such things as breast pads and waking up in puddles of milk (which I unfortunately have, more than once. I even ruined a mattress), what better time to do a breast pad giveaway? That’s right, no better time! Don’t worry, these aren’t my old, don’t-need-them-anymore pads, these are brand new, haven’t actually been released in Australia yet breast pads. So if you win, you’d be one of the first people to try them out.

Don’t forget your night breast pads or you might wake up in a puddle.

To win one of 5 packs of Philips Avent Night Breast pads (to curb that annoying puddle wake up), all you have to do is comment on this post. Winners will be drawn via random.org. Must be an Australian resident to enter. 5 winners will be chosen. Winners will be sent a feedback form in the post after their trial. Winners will be drawn 27 August 2012 and will be notified via email.

If you enjoyed reading this, please vote for my blog. All you have to do is click the link below. That’s it… Clicking the link brings you to the Top Mommy Blogs home page. You don’t have to do anything else. Any clicks from my site to theirs is a vote.  THANKS!

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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson

I’ll look after you

Last weekend I was feeling quite sick. I had a nasty cough that stole most of my voice and left me sounding much like a chain smoking transvestite. Not that I’ve ever met a chain smoking transvestite. But you get my drift. I laid on the couch, coughing my guts up and curling into a ball to stay warm despite my fever of 39.5c (103.1F). I just wanted to lay there. Needed to.

Hannah came bounding in from her room, the quilt that Grandma Linda (my host mum. Exchange student mother if you don’t know what a host mum is) made for her, and her Dora blanket hanging from her arms, almost tripping her as she walked.

She came over to me and laid them out on top of me.

Her little face changed to an expression of concern. “I’ll look after you mommy,” she told me firmly as she smoothed the blankets out and patted my side.

“Here Mommy.” She gave me some stuffed animal toys to cuddle.

“You need some books to read.”  She went off and brought me some of her books, getting quite upset when Daniel came over to look at them instead of me.

“NO DANIEL, THOSE ARE FOR MOMMY!!!!!”

“Do you need anything else, Mommy?”

“No sweetie, I think I’ve got everything I need. Thanks baby, you’re very sweet.”

“I think you need some food. I’ll get you an apple and a passionfruit.” She climbed up on her desk to reach the fruitbowl on the kitchen counter, and then put her chosen fruit in 2 of her little plastic tea set bowls before bringing them to me.

“Here Mommy. In case you get hungry.”

She ran off to her room again.

When she came back, she was carrying her pink Dora the Explorer garbage bin. I must say, I was a little baffled.

“You need this too Mommy…for your tissues.” She is clearly smarter than me.

The next day she laid on the couch, scrunched her face up, forced out a pretend cough and said in her sooky voice “Mommy, I feel a little bit sick, you can look after me.” FYI, she was not actually sick.

“I need my blankets, some books, an apple and passionfruit, my bin, and my Mickey.”

Cheeky monkey.

Do you like Veggie tales? I put a review of the new DVD, the The Penniless Princess on my reviews blog. You can read it here.

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You need a pushchair

Pushchairs can be a pain in the bottom. They can be heavy, hard to fold, hard to unfold, hard to fit in the car, big and bulky, hard to manoeuvre, etc, etc.

I remember when Hannah was little, she’d often scream in the car. And I mean scream. Like she was being tortured by her car seat. Unless we were moving. When we stopped, she couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I’d have to leave her screaming in her seat while I slowly and carefully got the heavy pram out of our tiny boot and unfolded it. Oh the screaming….

But what if there was a pushchair (pram/stroller/buggy) that unfolded itself. Genius. You could hold the screaming child (which wouldn’t be screaming anymore since you were able to pick her up) while getting the pram ready.

I unfold myself. Yes, I am a genius like that.

Hannah was never a pram sleeper. No matter how far I walked, how much I rocked the pram, or how dark I made it inside the pram when I covered it with a blanket, she would not sleep. It was so frustrating. I could never go anywhere at nap time unless I was fully prepared to deal with an overtired, extremely cranky/whingey bubba later.  I’d have a measly hour and a half to 2 hour window (more as she got older) when I could go out. That seems ok, but by the time I got where I was going and leave time to drive back, I didn’t actually have much time to do anything. Not to mention if she fell asleep in the car, even for 2 minutes, she wouldn’t nap after that, nor would she transfer from car to cot. Sigh.

I bet she would have slept in the pram if I had one of these:

Quinny Dreami Baby Carrycot – a bassinet that attaches to the pram

She could have laid down in there on the little mattress, completely flat, very comfortable and cozy. Yes, that would have been handy. Oh the places I could have gone.

If you have a baby, a pram is usually a necessity. For me it is anyway. After a few months, babies get quite heavy. I don’t want to be carrying them around everywhere. My arms feel like they’re going to fall off after 2 minutes of carrying Daniel around. Especially since he decides he doesn’t actually want to be carried and attempts to get down via flapping like an octopus out of water. Oh yes, I’m all about strapping him in the pram when I need to walk around places. With a pram, I can walk to town and back home up the big hill which gives me quite a good butt workout. I can strap Daniel in when we are dining at friends’ houses and use the pram as a makeshift highchair. I can take the pram to the shopping centre and push Daniel around in that instead of one of the ridiculous shopping trolleys that prefer to travel half sideways, are really hard to manoeuvre, and Daniel can stand up in and jump out if I’m not staring at him every second.

When I broke my wrist, I wasn’t allowed to drive. I had to ride the bus everywhere. With 2 kids, that would have been impossible without the pram. Holding 2 kids on my lap on the bus? Ha! Not to mention walking a kilometre to the bus stop. I definitely needed my pram. Rain or shine, it didn’t matter. Prams have a sunshade and you can get a rain cover too. Some even come with them.

With a rain cover

Where do you buy a pram? Shop for a Quinny pram at Argos. You can order online for pick up at a shop or delivery. Easy.

*This post was in partnership with Argos.

If you enjoyed reading this, please vote for my blog. All you have to do is click the link below. That’s it… Clicking the link brings you to the Top Mommy Blogs home page. You don’t have to do anything else. Any clicks from my site to theirs is a vote.  THANKS!

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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson

This bottom is for

Bookaboo came on TV. You know, the dog that needs a story a day or he just can’t play? The dog who plays the drums? Yeah, that one.

I wanted to play the drums too.

“I found a drum!” I said as I used Hannah’s bottom as my drum.

Giggling “NOOO! That’s not a drum!”

“Are you sure?! I think it makes the perfect drum!”

“No! This bottom is for POOPING!”

Hahahahahaha! Fair enough.

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That’s not water

I keep the bathroom door shut. Mostly at all times. Hannah is big enough to open and shut the door as she needs. The exception of course, is when I’m putting water in the bathtub and getting the kids ready for their evening bath.

Usually Daniel is content  ridiculously happy to stand at the side of the bath and eagerly watch the water  level rise as he flaps and squeals in delight like he’s trying to flag down a passing toy boat.

Not the other day. Hannah was half stuck in her shirt, one arm in, one out, the head hole half up her nose, as she tried to remove 2 shirts over her big head at the same time.

“Mommy, can you help me?” She asked

“Of course sweetie.” Giggling “Are you stuck????!!!!”

Meanwhile, Danny, mischievous as he is, took the mom-is-busy-with-Hannah opportunity to get to Hannah’s potty as fast and stealthily as he possibly could. No worries, it was house cleaning day, and I had scrubbed that potty just a couple of hours before. But I still don’t let him play with it. I don’t want him to think it’s ok. Yuck.

“Daniel, no, we don’t play with the potty!” I said in vain as he lifted the lid and shoved his chubby almost-1-year-old hand inside.

And then I saw it.

But it was too late.

As I rushed over, he turned his head, looking at me with that gleeful I’m-so-proud-of-myself smile that is so big, he has to squint his eyes to make room for his cheeks. He made a joyous noise and splashed his hand  in the pee some more.

All in the space of a couple seconds.

Thank goodness it was bath time. And thank God it wasn’t poop.

Ick.

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Daniel turns one

When Hannah turned one, Aaron and I went to Toys ‘r Us and spent way too much money on big fancy presents. When the first child has the first birthday, it’s a big thing. For us and her.

She wasn’t really fussed on opening the presents, and then she didn’t really like them. She never played with them and we ended up giving them to charity.

We weren’t so silly this time. For Daniel’s birthday, we bought a second hand Little People car ramp from a friend at church. Daniel loves cars, to the point where he pushes around any object he can find like it’s a car whilst making brrmmm brrrmmm car noises. Needless to say, we knew he’d like the car ramp. And that was all we bought him. No, I lie, we also bought him a helmet so he can go for bike rides with me on the WeeRide.

Playing with the car ramp right after opening it (still in their sleepy suits)

Grandma, on the other hand, got him approximately 1,000 presents. I may be exaggerating. Whatever. We went over to Grandma and YaYa’s house for Daniel’s family birthday party yesterday and Hannah ended up opening all of Daniel’s presents. He had no interest in ripping wrapping paper whatsoever. But he did like all the cars Hannah found inside them.

Hannah opening Daniel’s present

The Jess usually helps me decorate cakes (and by helps me, I mean, she does it), but she moved to Adelaide (sad face), so I had to do it all by myself. I was going to make a car or a train, since Daniel likes them so much, but I thought I’d go the safer route and make a Daniel cake instead.

I seem to be much better at making a cartoon Daniel on the computer than I do on a cake….

So it wasn’t the best looking cake in the world, but apart from stealing cake bowls out of the trash and licking them on Hannah’s birthday, he hasn’t actually eaten cake before, so I’m sure he didn’t really mind.

Mmmm…cake

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Winter bonfire

It may be the middle of winter, and 0 degrees in the morning, but who cares, it’s bonfire time!

Some friends of ours have a property nearby, and we often go over for dinner and games. Ok, Aaron often goes over. I sometimes do. It’s a bit hard with the kids. I used to go more often, but Hannah slept quite well in the portable cot. Daniel not so much.  They invited us for dinner and a bonfire, and I really wanted some s’mores, so I decided to come to.

Hershey’s S’mores Kit

The afternoon was spent gathering and chopping wood. Not me, everyone else. I was busy making sure that Daniel didn’t eat rocks and Hannah didn’t poke her eye out with a stick. I would have loved to help though, I like that sort of work. I grew up on a property and going horse camping, so that stuff is right up my alley.

Hannah loved getting ready for the fire. She decided that she needed to carry the biggest log she possibly could, and spent about an hour gathering little sticks and putting them on the not-yet-lit fire. Oh, and she also thought it would be a great idea to get bucket loads of dirt and pour them over the log pile “for the fire.”

How she carried that, I’m not quite sure.

By the time the fire was actually lit, Hannah was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. I thought she’d love fire roasted hotdogs, but she wanted no part of them, only eating a bit of the bun instead. Sigh. Of course she liked the s’mores though. The Aussie version with Milk Arrowroot biscuits instead of graham crackers (since we don’t have those here), and some chocolate I got at Aldi instead of Hershey’s (since we also don’t have Hershey’s here, and after sampling the chocolate on offer over here, I’ve come to the realisation that Hershey’s chocolate does, in fact, suck).

Rome #3100 Chrome-Plated Steel Marshmallow Roasting Sticks, Set of 2

Did I mention we were staying the night? Yeah. So the kids went to sleep ok after a bit of crying and consoling. Then Daniel woke for his usual 10pm feed (the only one he was having over night, which has since been dropped).

Teeth brushing time!

I put him back in the portable cot, he turned over, and went back to sleep.

Graco Pack ‘N Play On the Go Travel Playard, Go Green

But then the screaming started. Sigh.  I patted him. Shushed him. Patted some more. Picked him up. Laid with him on the bed. Offered more boob. Nothing would work. He cried for an hour straight, with no sign of letting up.

Crap, I forgot to bring the panadol. Sigh.

Natrabio Children’s Teething Relief, 1 Ounce

Instead of keeping the rest of the house awake all night, we gathered Hannah up, and drove home.

Daniel screamed for half the night even though I gave him panadol.

But in the morning, I knew why. He had another tooth. Poor baby.

We drove back as soon as we all woke up in the morning and no one knew we’d even left.

“Mommy, can we have another sleep over at M’s (name with held for privacy reasons) house?”

Sigh. Maybe when they’re a little bit older.

I should have brought my digital SLR to get some decent photos, but I didn’t. So here are some not so good ones from my $50 point and shoot (which doesn’t like tricky lighting).

Also, check out my review of Abigail the interactive story buddy.

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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson