Archive | July, 2012

“Today is my first ballet lesson”

31 Jul

Hannah (3 years old): “Mommy, after we go to the plaza, can you drop me off at my ballet class?”

Me: “Um…You don’t take ballet Hannah.”

Hannah: “Yes I do.”

Me: “No you don’t.”

Hannah: “Yes I do. Today is my first ballet lesson. Can I wear my fairy dress to my first ballet class?”

Basic Ballet Dress-up Tutu Fuchsia – Hot Pink $3.99

Me: “You don’t have a ballet class Hannah. I’m not taking you to a ballet class.” I didn’t want to play along in case she thought I was actually going to take her to a real ballet class. She’d be pretty upset if I told her I would and then I didn’t. Plus I’m pretty sure she was actually talking about a real ballet class.

Hannah: “Yes I do Mommy. It starts today.”

Me: “Where is your ballet class?”

Hannah: “It’s on Cammen-muffin street.”

Me (laughing): “Um….” Seriously, what do you say to that?

Hannah: “It starts very soon Mommy. Can you drop me off please?”

Me: “We’re going home now Hannah, we have to have dinner and then quiet time. There is no ballet class, you don’t take ballet.”

I parked the car in front of our apartment block. Fine, in front of the neighbouring apartment block. In front of ours was full.

Little Tikes Princess Cozy Coupe – 30th Anniversary

Hannah: “My ballet class is across the street. I’ll meet you over there Mommy.”

Me: “Don’t cross the street Hannah, it’s dangerous. Why don’t you go check the mail.”

We got inside and she ran to her room.

Hannah: “I need to get ready for my ballet class! Mommy, can you put one of your dresses on for the ballet class?”

Angelina Ballerina Matching Game

Me: “I have to get lunch ready Hannah, and besides, I can’t dance (seriously, I can’t). How about you dance, and I’ll watch you dance?”

Hannah (excitedly): “Ok Mommy!”

And then she did this:

Yes, my daughter is hilarious. But I’m sure you know that already.

Oh, and did you see that long sleeved onsie thing on the couch? Yeah, she got that out of Daniel’s drawer “for him to wear to the ballet class.” HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Check out my lastest review on A Mom’s Reviews about a personalized Sesame Street book (Click here to read the review). Hannah loves her new book!

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The zoo and Luna Park

28 Jul

In addition to the little family get together with a Mickey Mouse cake, and way too many presents from Grandma, Aunty Jess, Romana (Hannah’s best friend’s Mum), and I took her and Violet (her best friend) to Taronga Zoo. AND, we had the yearly joint birthday party with the other 7 kids from our antenatal class. This year, it was at Luna Park (you know, the amusement park right next to the Sydney Harbour Bridge that was shut down for ages due to noise complaints from all of the richies living in the multi-million dollar apartments over looking the harbour. Well, it is really loud with all the rides and music and screaming…).

Hannah about to blow out the candle on her Mickey Mouse cake

We took the kids on the train to the zoo, with the plan that Daniel would sleep in the pram on the train and then be all rested and cheerful when we got to the zoo.

Yeah right.

That didn’t happen. Sigh.

Instead, he proceeded to scream for most of the hour long train ride. I pushed the pram forward and back, forward and back a million times whilst everyone stared at me wondering why I was not picking up the screaming baby. Hannah was happily playing a Dora The Explorer iPad game in the other pram seat.

Phil and Teds Dash Buggy With Doubles Kit Black

Well people, I was trying to get him to sleep. I put a blanket over the sunshade of the pram so he couldn’t keep himself stimulated from all the people faces and scenery flying by. A lot of times, he does scream in the pram before falling asleep. It’s the wind down.

I think he would have slept too, if the old asian man in the seat across from us didn’t get up from his seat and pull the blanket up so Daniel could see, followed by making goofy faces at him for half an hour. I tried explaining that I was trying to get him to sleep, but was met with a toothless grin, nodding head, and broken english “He just want to see. He happy when he can see.” Sigh.

By the time we got on the ferry, it was almost lunch time.

More screaming. He was hungry and wouldn’t sleep.

Finally we got him to sleep after lunch. At the zoo. After I breastfed him at a table in the food area. A man came over and asked if he could have one of the chairs I wasn’t using. As he was asking he saw that I was, in fact, breastfeeding a baby, and he went bright red mid-sentence.

Fisher-Price Little People Zoo Talkers Animal Sounds Zoo

Hannah had a great time at the zoo with her best friend Violet. Hannah got a camera for her birthday, and she and Violet took a lot of photos at the zoo. I made a blog for Hannah’s photos. It’s interesting what 3 year olds take photos of. Here is her zoo post if you’d like to see it.

Last weekend was the Luna Park party. Hannah has been looking forward to it for months. Every time something came in the mail, bills, menus’s for delivery Chinese food, whatever, she would get it out of the mailbox and happily exclaim that it was from Luna Park, about her party.

I think she could have stayed at Luna Park for 3 days straight, riding rides repeatedly, and still not get bored. She’s a daredevil.

I’m have a giveaway on my reviews blog at the moment, win one of two book packs containing What to Expect When You’re Expecting, What to Expect The First Year, and What to Expect The Second Year. Entering is fast and easy, and open to people worldwide. Go here to enter.

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It’s not poop

27 Jul

Aldi often has random things. For those of you who don’t know what Aldi is, it’s supermarket from Germany that mostly sells it’s own brands, and it’s cheaper than your usual supermarkets. It’s kind of like Costco.  If Costco decided to stop taking steroids.

Anyway, the other day they had meatloaf. Already made up, no preservatives, vegetables already inside it, in it’s own disposable baking tray, not very expensive, meatloaf. Awesome. If you recall, I don’t eat beef . I think it tastes vile. Aaron likes it though, but I hardly ever cook it. I want the kids to eat it too and not be a fussy pants like me.

Tempo Meat Loaf Mix, 12-Count Box of 2.75-Ounce Packets

So I bought the meatloaf. Any beef that I don’t have to stick my hands into or actually touch in any way, shape, or form, is great. Yes, I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t even like to eat food was cooked next to beef. The beef will contaminate it. Duh.

I baked the loaf in the oven, then cut a piece for Daniel and another for Hannah as part of their dinner (in addition to corn on the cob, and some fruit. Don’t forget the meatloaf already had other vegetables in it. Like peas. And carrot).

Daniel, hoover that he is, couldn’t get it in fast enough. He devoured that meatloaf like it was going out of style. The other day, he stole a lamb cutlet from a platter of them and ate it like an ice cream cone. But that’s another story for another day. He’s such a boy….

I put Hannah’s 3-separate-areas, melamine plate in front of her. She looked at it all funny. Her index finger slowly came forward and poked the meatloaf.

“That’s POOP!” She exclaimed.

Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh….

“It’s NOT poop!” I told her, containing my inner fits of laughter, “it’s meatloaf.”

“It’s poop! We don’t eat poop Mommy.” She told me, all matter-of-factly.

Everyone Poops

“It’s not poop Hannah, it’s meatloaf.” The laughter was getting harder and harder to contain. I still wanted my little comedian to try her meatloaf. Or at least believe me that it was not poop.

“No, it’s definitely poop.”

Once Hannah is convinced of something, there is no changing her mind. She is stubborn like that. Sigh.

She got up out of her chair. She no longer sits in one of those booster seats that doesn’t let her escape because of it’s buckles. She says she’s a big girl now and had me take the booster seat off of her chair.

The First Years Disney Princess Simple and Secure Booster

“Sit down Hannah, it’s dinner time. You don’t have to eat your food, but you have to sit at the table during dinner time.”

“I have to go pee-pee.” She’s clever. She goes pee-pee during dinner every. single. night. Sigh. But I can’t really refuse her the use of the potty either.

“Ok, go pee-pee, wash your hands, then come straight back and sit at the table.”

She did. Only she didn’t sit in her chair, she went and sat in Aaron’s chair (he was still at work. He doesn’t get home in time for the kids’ dinner).

“That’s not your chair Hannah, that’s Daddy’s spot.”

“I don’t want to sit next to the poop!”

I couldn’t contain my laughter any longer. I know I shouldn’t have laughed but how could I not?

“It’s not poop Hannah. Look, Daniel ate all of his meatloaf. He loves it. He wouldn’t eat it if it was poop.”

So she got down out of Daddy’s chair, picked the meatloaf up with her fork, carried it over to Daniel’s booster seat tray, and shook the fork until the meatloaf fell off.

“Here Daniel, you can have my poop since you like it so much.”

If you want to win a book pack containing What to Expect When You’re Expecting, What to Expect The First Year, AND What to Expect The Second Year (great for presents if you aren’t pregnant or have little kids yourself), go here to my reviews blog to enter.

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If I won a groupon voucher

26 Jul

Groupon is having a blogger competition to win a $500 Groupon voucher. I just have to tell them, in all my creativity, what I’d use the voucher for. Fictitious or not.

So…This is a no brainer.

I’M SICK OF POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!  You all know of my struggles with potty training. Hannah pooping on her foot. Constantly pooping in her underpants, but refusing to wear a nappy. Ugh. The list goes on. Torture.

I would use every last cent of that voucher to pay a potty training guru to come to my house and train my daughter. Said guru would clean up every poo that got smushed all over Hannah’s underpants. Guru would wipe all the poo off of Hannah’s legs and butt. She would scrub the poopy underpants clean. Heck, she would even clean all the poopy underpants that I have soaking in a bucket of nappy san in the laundry room that I have been avoiding for a week. Disgusting I know, but I hate dealing with it.

Guru would lovingly (and quickly) teach Hannah to poop in that lovely big girl toilet instead of her underwear. And it wouldn’t take long, she’s a guru.

And what would I be doing whilst guru fixed poopy messes? Eating cake and drinking hot chocolate while I watched the chaos, delighted that it wasn’t me dealing with it.

If only. Sigh.

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How much are you worth?

26 Jul

I never really think about life insurance. I’m one of those people who likes to believe that Aaron and I will live to be 100 and nothing bad will happen to us. It’s a nice thought. But now that we have kids, we have to think about things like life insurance, no matter how unpleasant that may be. Sigh.

To help with such things, here is a post sponsored by GIO:

In the lead-up to the end of financial year, you may have noticed a few subtle prompts to
encourage you to get health insurance and to remind you about lifetime health cover loading.
Now it’s all over. You managed to get your sensible hat on, and you sorted out suitable cover for
you and your family.

Or maybe not.

It’s not always easy to get round to doing the big things when there are so many small things
to do in day-to-day life. Making breakfast, doing the laundry, making lunches, going to work,
taking the car in for a service, helping with homework, doing the vacuuming, washing the dishes,
making dinner, washing the dog, finding the pet hamster… and sleeping, at some point.

Getting round to the financial stuff not only takes time, it can take significant effort. However,
if you don’t keep on top of it, things can get a bit tricky. One of the big things to get sorted out if
you have a family (or even if you don’t), is life insurance.

Getting life insurance (click here to get started) is something many people put off, for one reason or another. You may be put off
by the time it will take to research all the providers and policies out there. You may be put off
because you don’t think having life insurance is all that necessary. You may be put off because
you don’t like to think that bad things could happen.

Whatever the reason, now is the time to set all that aside. While life insurance may not be
something you want to dwell on, it does provide a service – one that could make a huge
difference to your family, should the worst happen.

Depending on the cover you choose, your life insurance policy could provide a lump sum if
you become terminally ill, or if you die. You could also get funeral cover, which can provide a
payout quickly, to help cover the costs of a funeral.

You could get income protection insurance, that can help out financially if you are unable
to work. You could also get accidental injury or accidental death insurance, which can offer
financial help in the event of an accident.

There are numerous options, each with their own benefits. You will usually find you can tailor
the insurance to suit your own situation, and choose a level of cover that will benefit you and
your family the most.

Shopping online can also make the process of choosing the right policy much easier. You can
use a comparison site to make a quick evaluation, and you can use each provider’s own site to
find out more information, read the small print, and find the most suitable option. It’s much
quicker and much more simple than it used to be, and then when it’s done, it is done.

To make the process even easier, here a few things to look out for:

Find the right level of cover: Some people take their annual income and multiply it by ten to get
their level of life insurance cover. Some people use online calculators. You could also speak
to a life insurance expert, or a financial adviser – just make sure they are independent and not commission-based, so you know that the information they give you is not skewed towards any one product.

Make a short-list: With so many products out there, it can help to take a good look over all the
possibilities and then make a short-list. When you have the short-list, you can then look more
closely at the details, to find the policy that has all the features you need.

Read the PDS (Product Disclosure Statement): Always read the small print. This can be time-
consuming, but with something as important as life insurance, it really pays to make sure all the
details are correct. Check for exclusions, or any reasons you may not be eligible for cover.

Tailor your policy: Life insurance is not once-size-fits-all. Most insurers will allow you to tailor
your policy so that it best suits you. Check for any additional features that can be added on, such
as premium-free child cover (free cover for children added on to the policy).

Take stock: Review your policy every year or so, or when something big happens, like having a
baby. You may need to adjust your current policy, or look for a new one that is more suitable.

If you enjoyed reading this, please vote for my blog. All you have to do is click the link below. That’s it… Clicking the link brings you to the Top Mommy Blogs home page. You don’t have to do anything else. Any clicks from my site to theirs is a vote.  THANKS!
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A spank in the bath

20 Jul

Hannah and Daniel love having baths. Hannah more so when Daniel’s not in there. He has a habit of trying to climb on her, taking her toys, pulling her hair, and annoying her in general. Little brothers….

Of course that’s not limited to just the bath, it’s pretty much all the time, but that’s not the point.

Yesterday they were having a bath (they still bathe together, it’s too hard to do it separately. I wonder at what age that becomes unacceptable?) when Hannah wanted to move to the other side of Daniel.

She got on all fours and stuck her butt in the air. I’m not quite sure why, but that is what she did.

Daniel, right next to her and facing her in-the-air-butt, gleefully seized the opportunity, spanking her bottom without hesitation.

I thought Hannah would put her whingey voice on and say “NO! DANIEL!” But she didn’t. She started laughing too. And then I started laughing. Sometime during all the laughing, her butt ended up back in the bath water.

Hannah stuck her butt in the air again.

Daniel spanked her again.

Laughing ensued.

I started to get uncomfortable.

She stuck her butt in the air again.

Daniel face planted her butt-cheek and gave her a bite as they laughed and laughed.

I sat there dying of embarrassment, even though no one was around and then had to explain to them that we don’t bite bottoms. Or touch other people’s bottoms. Which is kind of hard to do when I always give their chubby little baby butts a light spank when they get in the bath. And I always pretend to eat Daniel’s chubby arms and cheeks (er..the ones on his face). Sigh.

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Why you should consider cord blood banking

19 Jul

When I was pregnant with Hannah, I’d heard a bit about banking cord blood, but didn’t know a thing about it. I asked at the hospital, but they didn’t have any information, nor did they do cord blood banking. Needless to say, we didn’t get her cord blood banked.

Is banking cord blood really worth while? Is it something you should do? Since I have no knowledge of the subject, here is a guest post written by Katie Green, and sponsored by CordBlood.com.

Cord blood banking involves the collection and retention of blood left in the umbilical cord and placenta when
a child is born. This cord blood is rich in stem cells, which are extremely useful in the treatment of a number
of human diseases, as they are able to evolve in to other types of cell.

There are a number of reasons why parents should seriously consider cord blood banking as a good option,
both for them and the child. Cord blood banking provides an opportunity to safeguard their child’s future by
retaining some healthy stem cells, which might be used to cure a number of life threatening conditions at
some point the child’s life. In addition, it may benefit other family members or other children in need, as the
cells can be used to treat anyone that is a genetic match. Donated cord blood is also being widely used in
medical research; scientists are currently investigating a number of incurable diseases, and whether core
blood may provide a cure or useful treatment.

Benefits of cord blood banking

Children who require stem cells as treatment for a serious illness often have to wait some time to receive
them, as there is often a limited supply in the public domain. However, if the child’s parents banked the cord
blood when the child was born, he or she can receive the prompt treatment that will provide the best chance
of recovering from the illness. Similarly, if a newborn has a sibling who already suffers from a condition that
is treatable with stem cells, cord blood banking can be invaluable in their treatment and could help to save
their life.

Core blood is now being used as an alternative to other more traditional sources of stem cells. The collection
of cells from other sources are often more invasive; for example bone marrow donation is very painful and
involves needles being stuck in to the center of the bone. However cord blood banking is completely painless
and does not harm or affect either the mother or the newborn. It makes use of valuable tissue that would
otherwise be discarded as medical waste.

How useful is cord blood banking

The stem cells found in cord blood are extremely useful. As they can develop to become other types of cells,
they can be used to repair body tissue, blood vessels, and organs. They are also used in the treatment of 70
types of blood disorders, cancers and other illnesses, including sickle cell anemia, leukemia, and lymphoma.
Recent studies are investigating how cord blood can be used to treat a wide range of other illnesses,
including heart disease and immune deficiencies.

Things you should know about cord blood banking

Parents should be aware that cord blood banking could help to save lives. Although a child has only a one
in 10,000 chance of needing a transplant of their own stem cells, the cells could be used to save someone
else’s life if donated to a public bank. Parents have the option to pay a fee to retain their child’s cord blood
privately, so that it is reserved specifically for them or other family members; or alternatively, they can donate
it to cord blood bank institutions for free, so that it can help others who are in need.

More information can be found on the internet, for example a stem cell treatment infographic.

Katie Green is a freelance writer who loves learning new things. She is currently interested in baby health issues and how they are being dealt with nowadays.

If you enjoyed reading this, please vote for my blog. All you have to do is click the link below. That’s it… Clicking the link brings you to the Top Mommy Blogs home page. You don’t have to do anything else. Any clicks from my site to theirs is a vote.  THANKS!

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Australia’s incessant need for doctors certificates

18 Jul

Being from a country that doesn’t have government paid healthcare for all, I find it incredibly ridiculous that over here you need a doctors certificate for this, that, and the other thing.

For example: You’re sick. You need to stay home from work. Fair enough, but you need a doctors certificate. Yes, even though you know that  you have the flu and there’s nothing the doctor can actually do about it, you still need to drag your sick bottom out of bed and to the doctors office where you will sit uncomfortably in the waiting room for at least half an hour, just to tell the doctor you have the flu and need a doctors certificate saying that you are, in fact, sick. Yes, you would be far better off lying in bed at home, but you gotta have that certificate.

Everything I Learned in Medical School: Besides All the Book Stuff

Some employers allow you to have an entire day off sick before you need the certificate (i.e. you’d need to get it to stay home a second day). Wow, isn’t that great?! (yes that was sarcasm, in case you didn’t get that)

Sometimes you’re feeling quite ill, but there aren’t any offensive bodily fluids escaping from either end, so you decide to go to work anyway. I mean it’s not like you can just stay home to recuperate, you’d have to drag your sick self off to the doctor uselessly anyway, so you might as well drag your sick self out of bed and actually get paid for it.

Then you go to work and can’t give it 100% because you feel like death warmed up. Since you’re there instead of in bed at home where you should be, everyone else catches it too. The next day, everyone doesn’t feel like dragging their sick selves out of bed to the doctors for their stupid certificate, so they all go to work too. Now everyone is sick and only working to 50% because you all feel like death. What a great idea it was for employers to require a doctors certificate! Very productive (there’s that sarcasm again…).

Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us

Or say I’m sick, and the kids are sick. I want Aaron to stay home with me to help out, but we’d have to get to the doctor. He can get a certificate to say that we’re sick and he’s helping. Yes, a certificate for the one who isn’t even sick.  But I don’t want or need to go to the doctor. This scenario happend earlier this week. Daniel was vomiting all night (for the first time ever), plus diarrhoea, and then I got the runs too.

I couldn’t go to the doctor. I had the sort of diarrhoea that doesn’t wait for anyone. You have to get to the toilet or it comes anyway. How would I get to the doctor without accidentally pooping myself on the way there? No thanks. Plus what could the doctor do anyway? I just had to ride it out.

And what about the money? Medicare is paid for by the government, i.e. taxpayers. So how much taxpayer money is wasted on ridiculous trips to the doctor just to get a stupid piece of paper to say that you are sick?

Plus, you don’t actually have to be sick to get the certificate. You can just go to any doctor, not your usual doctor, not one that knows you or your history, tell them you’ve got cramps, or the trots, or whatever, and they’ll write you a certificate. They don’t live with you, follow to the bathroom to see if you do indeed have water coming out of your bottom, or interrogate you to find out if your claims are true. Nope, they have so many patients to see, probably half of whom just need that piece of paper, that it’s in and out as quick as they can possibly move you.

Full time employees get 5 days of sick leave per year. Paid. So why do workers need to “prove” that they are sick? What difference does it make? They have 5 days of sick leave for a reason. If they want to waste them on hangovers from binge drinking , watching movies all day for the sake of it, or something like that, then whatever, it’s their 5 days. If they get sick later and need to take unpaid leave, then that’s what they have to do. If they do it all the time, then they’d get fired. So what, it’d be their own fault. We’re talking about adults here, not 5 year olds who say they have a tummy ache so they don’t have to clean their room.

You’d never need a doctors certificate for a sick day in the U.S. For one thing, millions of Americans don’t have health insurance. And health care is expensive over there. Most people wouldn’t stay home from work even if they were bottom-is-like-a-tap sick if they had to pay $85+ just for a piece of paper confirming their sickness.

Not to mention that the majority of health insurance over there is part of the employment package. The employer pays for the health insurance. So an employer certainly isn’t going to make the employee get a doctors certificate when the employer is the one paying for it. If everyone had to do that, the price of insurance would go up and then the employers would have to shell out more money for health insurance, or not offer it at all, driving millions more to the uninsured status.

I was thinking about writing about this today when I got a text from Hannah’s family daycare provider saying that I’d need a doctors certificate stating that she’s well, otherwise she can’t go to daycare on Thursday (how did she know Hannah was sick? She’s my friend, and saw it on Facebook. Note to self: share less on Facebook). Say what? A well certificate.

“Are you serious?” I texted back. “I need a certificate when she’s not going to your house for 2 more days and she’s not even sick today?”

Now I wasn’t mad at her or anything, I know it’s not her rule. Well maybe it is, and then I’m going to look like an ass, but I’m assuming it’s not (note, I wrote this yesterday, and now we’ve been to the doctor, and he says it’s a new government initiative) . It probably sounds mildly reasonable to people who grew up here, but I didn’t.

So now, I have to waste my morning going to the doctors office (instead of spending one on one time with Hannah while Daniel is napping), that’s filled with highly contagious people who are only there to get their stupid certificates. Daniel, Hannah and I will have to sit there next to all the sick people when we are not sick, and hopefully not infect ourselves with who knows what whilst we are there. All to get a piece of paper from my doctor who unless Hannah has any obvious signs of sickness (swollen this or that, blocked this or that, fever, you know, stuff like that), will write of piece of paper, and that’s it. He’s not at home with us, she could be pooping herself 10 times a day, and he’d have no idea. Of course I’d never send her to daycare like that, but you get my drift.

And then there’s the gym. You have to sign up in advance to put your kids in creche on a particular day. If that day comes and your kid wakes up sick and you can’t go, you have to either pay $5, or take them a doctors certificate. So $5 out of your own pocket, or $65+ out of the governments.

I don’t have any kids in school yet, but I’m sure you’d need a doctors certificate there too. Sigh.

There are people, many, many people in the world who can’t afford to go to the doctor when they desperately need to. And here we are, forced to go to the doctor needlessly, clogging up the system and costing the government lots of money. Ridiculous. I wonder how many lives could be saved if instead of going to the doctor for a doctors certificate, we could stay home and recuperate whilst that money would instead fund a trip to the doctor for someone who actually needed it. In a third world country, one of our doctor visits could pay for heaps of doctor visits. It’s so unfair. Sigh.

Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous?

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A wee problem at the gym

16 Jul

As I’m sure you’re all aware, I’ve been working out at the gym for some months now. Getting fit, losing the post-baby muffin top/love handles/cellulite/how-did-a-baby-fit-in-there left over pudge. The first thing I do at the gym is run. After dropping the kids off at the creche. Of course. The free creche. Yes, I know, that is super awesome.

I used to hate running. With quite a passion. Possibly because I looked ridiculous. My arms seemed to flap involuntarily kind of like a rabid chicken chasing a farmer with a meat cleaver. Poor Hannah, she has managed to inherit my poor running skills. Her flap is even more apparent then mine. Or possibly I hated running because it was hard. And boring. And I sucked at it. Sigh.

Pounding concrete whilst thinking about nothing and looking at sidewalk crack after sidewalk crack, all the while feeling like my lungs are going to burst and my legs are going to fall off, and getting a rash from my I-probably-should-have-shaved them thighs rubbing together? Ick. Hated it. I hated it.

I started running 2 years ago when I nearly died of excitement about the Amazing Race Australia. They were taking applications and by-golly, I was going to apply (and I did. You can watch my application video here. And yes, it does include a shot of the ridiculous running).

But then Aaron told me that if I actually managed to get on the show (I didn’t. Sigh), I’d have to run. A lot. And if I wasn’t good at running, I probably wouldn’t win.

And so my running regimen started. Er…not so much of a regimen as a once a week half killing myself to run 1 kilometer in like 20 minutes session.

That went on for a whole couple of months and then I stopped because I got pregnant and running was just way too hard.

Anyway…. I wasn’t planning on running at the gym. I was going to use that funny cross trainer, or elliptical machine (is that the same thing?) until I found out that the treadmill tells you how fast you’re going, your pace, and how many kilometres you’ve done. Now, I’m pretty competitive, so I decided to try to beat myself. I keep track of how many km’s I run in 15 minutes every time I go to the gym, and then I input it all into Runkeeper. Not to mention, I won’t be retarded at running when I next apply for the Amazing Race (which I will).

When I started, I was doing a kilometer in about 8 and a half minutes. Each week, I try to better my pace. I set new goals. I push myself.

Jillian Michaels – 30 Day Shred

A couple weeks ago, I was pushing myself. I was 13 minutes in to a 15 minute run at a pace of 5 minutes and 27 seconds per kilometer (for the whole run, not just at that particular moment. In case you were wondering…). My fastest run ever. I was nearly there. I was going to make it. I was so excited.

Oh crap.

I felt a little drip. Just a little.

I kept running. I was getting closer to 15 minutes. Closer to my best run.

Another drip. Maybe I was imagining things? Maybe it was just one little drop that was kind of hovering there, deceiving me.

I kept running.

Another drip. And another. And another.

I was starting to feel a bit wet.

But I kept running. I thought about stopping, but I really wanted to get to 15 minutes and complete my fastest run.

I kept dripping. I tried with all my might to hold it in, but I just couldn’t.

I wonder if you can see a wet patch. Can the people behind me see it?

I wasn’t sure. I kinda thought they could. Or maybe I was just imagining the drippy feeling. Either way, I kept running.

I looked at the timer on the treadmill.

15:00.

I pushed the stop button and ran, then jogged, then walked until the treadmill came to a stop. As my legs came together and stopped moving, I knew. Without a doubt, I had leaked. Sigh.

For two entire minutes, I leaked, partially wetting myself as I ran.

Sweat pouring out of my armpits, face, and probably my butt-crack, I stepped off the treadmill, not knowing how big and visible the wet patch was.

Normally I do squats, lunges, 4 minutes on the grinder, sit ups, seated row, 2 minutes on the rowing machine, and then stretches.

I couldn’t do all of that. Not without knowing if there was a giant wet patch across my butt, a walking advertisement for all to see that I have a wee little problem.

I sat on the floor in the stretching area in a half-splits, stretching position. As I leaned forward, giving the illusion of stretching as I went, I had a sneaky little look at my crotch.

Crap.

Staring right back at me was a decently sized pee-smelling wet patch.

As quick as humanly possible, I put my legs back together straight in front of me and stretched. I wanted to appear normal to anyone who may have caught a glimpse of my crotch spot. Like it was just sweat and no big deal or something. If I ran straight out of there, crying from embarrassment as I went, everyone would know that I half wet myself on the treadmill.

But if I continued stretching, without exposing my soiled crotch area to the world, then sauntered to the exit all nonchalantly, maybe no one would know.  Or maybe everyone would be quietly pointing to me whilst muttering “oh. my. gosh. Did you see that girl? She wet herself on the treadmill!” to their friends as I walked out.

Whatever, I went with the casually strolling out option. Except I tied my coat around my waist. Nothing says “accidentally wet myself on the treadmill” like a coat tied around the waist.

I guess after having kids, you can’t be lax about kegels. I haven’t done them in a while. I thought I was fixed.

Time to bust out the kegel exerciser again. Sigh.

Kegel exerciser GyneFlex with VTP (R) – Regular Strength

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“What’s that on my toe?”

13 Jul

The kids were playing very nicely by themselves in the living room. I decided to take the opportunity to do all the chopping, peeling, and other prep work for dinner.

Daniel was playing happily at the play kitchen. Opening the cupboard and pulling all of the dishes out, then closing it again. Over and over. He loves the play kitchen.

Hannah was dancing around and watching Peppa Pig. She loves dancing. And watching Peppa Pig.

I was peeling some sweet potato. Lost in my own thoughts. Probably fantasising about being on the Amazing Race Australia. Yes I’m obsessed. Whatever.

“Mommy, what’s that on my toe?” Hannah asked me, all concerned.

I looked over at her, expecting to see some toy or sticker adorning her toe(s). Maybe some food.

But it was brown.

Oh please no.

How could it be? She was wearing pants. And underwear.

Handcraft Toddler Girls Toddler Disney Princess 7 Pack Panty

I stepped over the baby-proof fence separating the kitchen and living room.

Daniel saw me coming and crawled towards me as I hopped the fence, giggling happily with every step.

I knelt down next to Hannah. I needed to get a good look. I needed to relieve my fears and confirm that the offending item was a piece of raisin. Or half-eaten cracker. Or even a half-chewed piece of brown paper.

But it wasn’t.

“DON’T MOVE HANNAH!” Ok, so I may have over-reacted just a little.

“DANIEL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He was still coming for us. Straight towards Hannah and her manky poo-covered toe.

Oh goodness, there’s poop on the floor too!

“HANNAH, DON’T MOVE!!”

I picked up Daniel and carried him to the other side of the room.

I picked up Hannah and carried her, as far out in front of me as I possibly could (I don’t want poo on me!), to the bathroom.

“STAY THERE HANNAH, DON’T MOVE!”

Daniel was once again gleefully crawling towards the poo spots on the carpet at breakneck speed.

I picked him up and put him on the other side of the room again and quickly got the carpet cleaner and a rag out of the cupboard.

“MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!!” Hannah was screaming and crying in the bathroom. But she didn’t move.

“STAY THERE HANNAH, DON’T MOVE!”

I held Daniel at bay with my foot while I scrubbed the carpet, sprayed some more, and scrubbed again. Daniel really wanted to get at that carpet and see what all the fuss was about. Cheeky monkey.

“MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I finished cleaning the carpet (I had to do that first so Daniel wasn’t out in the living room eating poop while I cleaned Hannah up. You know how it is…) and went to Hannah in the bathroom.

I took her pants off.

Oh *%$#.

It was everywhere.

I tried to get her underwear off without retching and/or getting poop all over myself and/or the bathroom.

It was all down her legs. All over her butt. All over her front.

I wiped her up as best as I could with wipes while Daniel banged on the bathroom door, crying and yelling “Momma! Momma!” over and over again.

“STAY RIGHT THERE HANNAH, DON’T MOVE!”

I had to leave the bathroom to put all the filthy wipes in the poop bucket (aka sealed bucket where I put the days dirty nappies), and the even more filthy underwear in the soaking bucket in the laundry room.

I held those soiled undies in front of me like they were on fire and headed toward the laundry room, leaving a still crying Hannah in the bathroom.

Daniel, joyful at the sight of my re-emergence, decided it was a good time to play walk-while-holding-on-to-mommy’s-leg. Which is basically exactly as it sounds, but with gigantic smiles and lots of giggles.

My pants nearly falling down, poo nearly falling out of the underpants, I took step after slow step, Daniel attached to my leg stepping his little legs as fast as he could to keep up, giggling all the while.

Hannah stood in the bathroom door, legs covered in poo, screaming as I walked away from her.

I somehow managed to get the undies to the laundry room without spilling and once again had to lock an un-amused Daniel out of the bathroom while I cleaned Hannah up in the bathtub.

Sigh.

I hate potty training.

A Potty for Me!: A Lift-the-Flap Instruction Manual

That was over a week ago. Before her third birthday. She has since pooped in the toilet. Please, oh please dear God, help her poop in the toilet again.

Yay! She pooped in the toilet again just now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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