Not a vibrator (I don’t think)

I have to admit, I laughed when I opened the email containing a review request for the LELO Smart Wand all over body massager. Usually “all over body massager” is code for…you know…vibrator…. And I’m not about to start reviewing vibrators.

But then I watched the how to use it YouTube video (and I was quite apprehensive of what I might be about to see before I hit play) and found that it actually is a massager. I think.

How to use the LELO smart wand

So I said yes. I could use a massage, so sure, send it my way. I googled LELO smart wand, and found you can buy them from sex shops. Hmm… What was I getting myself in to?

It’s actually quite large. The end is about the size of my fist.

I seriously thought a vibrator was going to turn up at my door step. When the LELO did arrive, the box was quite large. I didn’t know it was the LELO that the package contained. Discreet packaging you see. Which is good, because if a delivery man thinks that kegel exercisers are “personal massagers,” (you can read that story here) then what would he think of an all over body massager? I didn’t really want to re-live that embarrassment again. Phew.

I opened the box.

“Oh, that’s definitely not a vibrator!” I told Aaron rather excitedly. It was way too big for that sort of thing. If I ordered a vibrator for actual um… vibrate-y things, I would be like “Oh heck no! You’re not coming near me with that thing!”

So yeah, all over body massager it actually is. I’m pretty sure.

I checked all of the instructions for good measure. There was no “do not insert…” warning, but I’m still going to go with that’s not what it’s for.

Massaging her own back. Easy.

It just so happend that I could use a shoulder massage, so after charging it up, I turned it on and went to work. With the 8 different vibration settings, I could start the massage slow and pick it up from there. Oh boy did it undo some knots.

It’s easy to reach your own shoulders because of the curved design. Oh, and did I mention it’s water proof? Yeah, you can take that bad boy in the bath with you. Relaxing bath, with a shoulder massage? Yes please. Can you tell that shoulder massages are my favourite? It’s also relaxing on my legs, feet, and lower back.

So just why is it shaped rather like a penis? I’m not sure. But because it is, I feel like I have to hide it away so anyone who comes over doesn’t see it. Even though it’s not used for any coital purposes. And I certainly can’t let any friends have a back massage with it because it does look like a vibrator. Despite it’s large size. I think they might be rather frightened if I pulled it out and said “hey, try this out.”

Hannah thinks it’s the best toy ever, and loves to turn it on and run around the house with it. Which looks rather funny/alarming/weird/horrible/cringeworthy due to it’s phallic appearance. I really hope that she doesn’t go in my room, grab it, and run around with it when we have people over. Sigh. Hopefully she doesn’t know where I hide it.

Maybe people do use it for um…you know… Maybe they don’t. I don’t know. All I know is that I use it as a shoulder/leg/foot/back massager, and it is very good at that. 

PROS:

-8 different settings
-Curve makes it easy to reach your own back and shoulders
-Comes in different colours (Mine is purple, my favourite!)
-Completely waterproof
-Rechargeable
-1 year warranty
-Discreet packaging

CONS:

-Phallic appearance (although maybe some people like feeling like they are getting a back massage from a penis?)
-A bit pricey
– I really hope my Grandma isn’t reading this

To Buy a LELO smart wand, click here

UPDATE:

The lady who contacted me about reviewing the smart wand seems like she has a good sense of humour, and is easily approachable, so I asked her, “Just out of curiosity, do people use the smart wand as a vibrator?”

Hahahaha!

She said it was designed to be used on the back and legs and shoulders, and that it should not be used as a vibrator. But, ” since we can not control what people do when they buy a product ( as much as we can not control what people do when they buy a cucumber at the supermarket) some people, we have noticed, use as clitoris vibrator (not inserting anywhere, i hope), but they do it because the vibrations are really strong.”

I love that she put the bit about a cucumber in there. Funny lady hahahahaha!

*I received a free LELO smart wand for review purposes.
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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson

What happens when YOU jump rope?

“Here’s the personal massager you ordered.” the dirty old delivery man said.

Oh my gosh, WHAT!?!?!?!  “I did NOT order a personal massager!” I practically yelled at him.

Sorry about the messy writing...still have to do everything with my left hand

“You’re Sheri ____?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t order any personal massager!”

“And feminine moisturiser.” He read off the customs declaration on the package.

I gave him a weird look.

Of course it probably didn’t help that I was dripping wet with only a pink towel around myself.  It was 6 days before Christmas and we were waiting on a big package full of all our Christmas presents that we ordered from the states.  I wasn’t about to miss the arrival of that package.

I was in the middle of my morning shower when I heard the knock on the door. Sure I could have let him leave a note and then picked it up at the post office.  But I have 2 kids.  And 2 hands. That leaves no hands for carrying the package from the post office to the car.  Did I mention that the post office is on the busiest street in my town?

So I jumped out of that shower like a drowned rat on the scent of cheese and excitedly ran for my front door, glad that the Christmas package was actually arriving before Christmas.

“Well, enjoy your surprise package then.”  Yeah thanks old man.

I looked at the package in my hands wondering who the heck would send me a “personal massager.”

“Kegel exerciser. Feminine Moisturiser.” The customs declaration said. Oh…It was just some products to review on my blog. So why was the dirty old delivery man telling me it was a personal massager?  And even if it was, no one would ever, EVER want the delivery man to say it out loud.

I jumped at the chance to review a pelvic floor exerciser for Intimina.  We all know how child birth weakens the pelvic floor.  I couldn’t even jump rope without a little pee coming out.  I wrote a blog post about it. So embarrassing!  Add another birth and I was in serious need of some pelvic floor help.

Kegel exercisers

I have to say I was a little intimidated by the fact that I had to actually put something…er...in there.  I still have memories of my over zealous use of the epi-no when I was pregnant with Hannah.  Long story short, I over inflated it (it’s supposed to stretch you out a bit so you don’t tear giving birth), and it made me bleed. Ick.

When I finally tried out the little pink kegel exerciser, it was fine.  It didn’t hurt, and once in place, I didn’t even notice it.

The Laselle Kegel Exercisers work by “providing a solid object for you to flex around for more effective strengthening.” The weighted ball inside causes vibrations that prompt your pelvic floor to contract and relax.  I couldn’t find anywhere on their website or the packaging how long you’re supposed to use them each day, so I just went about my chores with it for about 20 minutes, with some flex and holding.

An email from Intima let me know that it’s like any other exercise; you start with a few reps and a small amount of time and then increase to suit your needs.

All I know is: I can jump up and down (I can’t really jump rope, my arm is still in a cast…), and no pee comes out.  Kegel Exercisers: $15.95AUD. Jumping without soiling my underpants: priceless.

To buy in the U.S. click here

To buy in Australia click here

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