Tag Archives: funny things toddlers say

No Daniel!

4 Jul

“Happy the birthday to you,” we could hear Daniel singing to Hannah this morning in their room before they got up for the day.

“No Daniel!”

“Happy the birthday!”

“NO DANIEL!!! Not until the next day!”

“Happy the birthday Hannah!”

At least he remembered, even if it was a day early.  And just for the record, according to Daniel, it’s happy THE birthday, much to Hannah’s disgust.

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There she is

9 May

As I changed Daniel’s wet nappy, he reached down.

“Penis!” he said as he grabbed it, proud that he knew what it was called.

He let go and then grabbed again. “Penis! There she is!” He told me.

“Uhh….I’m pretty sure it’s a he, buddy.”

He looked at me, his jolly expression never wavering, “THERE SHE IS!”

Sigh.

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This bottom is for

15 Aug

Bookaboo came on TV. You know, the dog that needs a story a day or he just can’t play? The dog who plays the drums? Yeah, that one.

I wanted to play the drums too.

“I found a drum!” I said as I used Hannah’s bottom as my drum.

Giggling “NOOO! That’s not a drum!”

“Are you sure?! I think it makes the perfect drum!”

“No! This bottom is for POOPING!”

Hahahahahaha! Fair enough.

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Do you want to cut yourself?

4 Aug

Let me just put this into context, so you don’t think I’m some sort of depressed emo. And so you don’t think Hannah is ridiculously strange. Although sometimes she is. That’s toddlers for you.

I made the kids some fish sticks and vegetables for dinner.

“What’s this fork for?” Hannah asked me as she held up her plastic-handled, metal-pronged Dora The Explorer Fork.

Dora the Explorer Flatware Spoon & Fork Set

“I thought you might want to use it with your vegetables. You don’t have to, you can use your fingers.”

“Oh. Can I use it to cut my fish fingers?” That’s what they’re called over here. Fish Fingers. Not fish sticks. In case you were confused. I explained to Hannah why they were called fish fingers a few minutes before this conversation(because they are made of fish and look like fingers. I think that is quite relevant to this conversation).

Fish Sticks

“Sure.”

Of course I thought she’d do what normal people do and cut it on her plate. But she is 3. So she didn’t. She picked up the fish stick, held it in her right hand, and then started cutting it with the her left (she’s left-handed).

“Careful sweetie, don’t poke yourself. Put it on your plate to cut it.”

She was still in the fork-is-a-knife mode, so she said “do you want to cut yourself Mommy?”

“No, I certainly don’t! That would hurt!”

“Why.”

Sigh.

“Because I’d be bleeding and getting cut hurts.”

“Can you cut you and then eat you?”

I stifled my laughter-mixed-with-shock/horror “No Sweetie, we can’t eat ourselves. Or anyone else. We don’t eat people.” Did I seriously just have to tell my daughter that?

“We could cut you up and then put you back together again.” I think perhaps she’s been doing too many jigsaw puzzles. Or cutting too many fish fingers.

“It doesn’t work like that Sweetie. If you cut me up, then I’d be gone forever.”

“Then God would have to make a new Sheri,” she said with glee. I’m hoping the glee was because she called me Sheri instead of Mommy, and not because she wants a new Sheri.

“It doesn’t work that way either Hannah!”

Giggling, she told me “That’s quite a story!”

Seriously, where does she come up with that stuff?

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Drew Carey needs a bath

7 Jan

“Mommy, Drew Carey needs a bath.” Hannah told me. Aaron laughed hysterically in the background.

“We’re going out right now, but Drew Carey can have a bath with you when we get home.” I told her.

What the #$*%?

I know that’s what you’re thinking.

Don’t worry, we haven’t kidnapped a formerly tubby comedian.  It all started before Hannah and I went to the U.S. last March so Hannah could meet my parents for the very first time.  I’d read a blog that suggested going to the cheap shop and buying lots of little cheap toys for toddlers to play with on a long flight.  Wrap each one up and give her a new toy every hour or so to avoid painful ear-piercing screams from your child, and death stares from fellow passengers.

I went around to all the cheap shops plus Target and Kmart to find suitable in-flight toys.  I wanted a little doll, but most of them were either a) really creepy looking, b) expensive, or c) both.  But then I found a little girl (I think it’s a girl, it has a pink shirt) baby doll for 5 bucks. Yeah, she’s kinda creepy looking, but in a hilarious way.  She looks just like Drew Carey.  If Drew Carey suddenly became a tiny girl child.

“This doll looks just like Drew Carey!” I laughed to Aaron.  Hannah was right there, and she has a memory like an elephant (they have really good memories FYI). And that, people, is why Hannah bathes with Drew Carey.

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