End of an era

I was so excited when I weaned Hannah. She hadn’t been interested in the boob during the day for quite some time and her only feed was overnight. She was 1 year old and she drank cow’s milk quite happily. She did not want to waste any play time sitting in my lap with her face on my chest. Boring!

Hannah was also a loooooong feeder. She took ages to have a drink. When she was born, and for a few months afterwards, she took 2 hours each feed. I’m not even joking. I spent the first 6 weeks of her life mostly un-showered, and wearing only a fluffy pink bathrobe. With nothing under it. Usually I had to eat my meals while she ate hers, one handed and trying not to spill anything on her tiny little head. Pretty much everyone and their mother was quite familiar with my boobs since I had them out nearly 24/7. Ugh, I cringe at the thought.

When it came to weaning time, I slowly dropped her last feed, giving her less and less time on each boob every night. By her very last feed, we were down to  30 seconds per boob. And that was it. I never breastfed her again. I don’t even think she woke up at night after that. Not even the next night. She just slept through.

I weaned Daniel off his over night feed a few months ago. I’ve been cutting out other feeds every few weeks until I got down to the just-before-bed feed. The one that fills his tummy and keeps him sleeping all night long. I had intended to have him fully weaned the week after his first birthday. But I was lazy. Plus, every night after his bath, he would look at me all milky-eyed and try to rip my shirt off whilst he shoved his face in my chest. Needless to say, I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about cutting him off completely.

I just did the slow thing. Like I did with Hannah. 4 minutes one night. 3 minutes the next. Then 2. Then we were stuck on one minute for about a week.

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Because you know what? I like feeding him. When he’s drinking, he moves his eyeballs to the very corner of their sockets just so he can look at me lovingly. Then he puts his adorable, chubby little hand straight up and strokes my face (and by strokes, I mean tries to shove it in my mouth, pinches my chin, or just pokes me in general. Whatever, it’s affection all the same), or grabs my hand and plays with it while he sucks.

It’s nice.

As I started cutting down the feeding time, he was not impressed. The first time I took him off after a minute, he screamed. I felt absolutely horrible. But I still didn’t give him any more milk.

The night before last, I was going to give him one minute on each side. He was quite tired, whinging and throwing himself backwards (he does that when he has tantrums…). I got one of my girls out, but he just threw himself backwards on the couch, scrunched up his face and kept whinging.  I’m pretty sure he didn’t notice the boob, but I took the opportunity all the same.

I put the boob away and gave him a banana instead. He didn’t try to pull my shirt off, or shove his face in my chest. He went to sleep just fine. He slept all night. No wait, he woke up. But that was because of his coughing.

Last night I gave him a banana again. He put his face in my chest for about 2 seconds, but that was it. No whinging, no tantrums. Possibly because Aaron put Gran Turismo on the play station in car demo mode and gave Daniel the controller. He loves cars. He was mesmerised and got to push buttons. Either way, he didn’t have a feed, and went to sleep just fine.

But I’m still a little sad.

Maybe I won’t be when the weather warms up a little and I can wear all of my summer dresses without worrying about how I will possibly breastfeed without taking the entire dress off.

P.S. Why was I giving him bananas instead of cow’s milk or formula? Well, he won’t drink those. He takes one sip, warm or cold, and then throws the cup on the floor in disgust as spits the sip all over himself. Don’t worry, he eats plenty of different foods, including yogurt and cheese, and drinks plenty of water, so the doctor said he will be fine. Doc does think that once he is completely weaned (which I guess is as of now), he will start to be more receptive of cow milk.

He eats plenty of different foods

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Breastfeeding: Would you do it in public?

I’ve never been one for formula because a) breast milk is very good for babies, b) formula is expensive and I’m…well…cheap, and c) formula seems to require way too much effort for my liking.  Sterilise bottles, mix the formula, heat it up, wash all the bottles. Sigh.

So what happens when a fully breastfed baby is taken out for the day?  Sure, you could express some milk and bottle feed that to the baby.  But some babies, like mine, won’t take a bottle.  To them, a bottle is just an icky plastic thing that someone is trying to shove in their mouths instead of the warm nice booby where they can snuggle up with mommy while having their meal.  A bottle in the mouth induces a wild flapping attack complete with screaming.  Anyone looking on would think the baby is being cruelly tortured.

What do we do?  The baby has to be fed.

Well, I’ll tell you:  I just whip the girls out wherever I am.  Sure if there is a mothers room, I’ll go there to feed Daniel.  They are much easier.  They have nice plush chairs to sit on, a little play area for Hannah, and best of all, they are out of the public eye.  Of course not all places have these awesome mother’s rooms, so often I have no choice.

Like the other week, when The Jess and I took the kids to the city (and by the city, I mean Sydney) to visit Aaron at work for lunch.  Sydney is about an hours train ride from where we live.  We could drive, but driving in the city is a bit scary, and finding parking is virtually impossible and ridiculously expensive. So, train it was.  We got there alright, but by the time we started for home, Daniel was hungry.

No worries, I just fed him on the train.  Everyone else looked very uncomfortable.  No one would sit next to me, opting instead to stand up.

“That’s disgusting.”  I heard one teenager tell her friend.  Well how do you think you got your nutrients when you were a baby?  It didn’t bother me any, my baby was hungry, and no one could even see anything.  Except for the back of a baby.  A baby head was in front of my boob, obscuring it from view, a baby body was in front of my bare stomach (it had to be bare, you gotta pull your shirt up to let the boob out.  Unless you’re wearing a very low top and have floppy boobs (I have neither).  Then you can go over your shirt.) hiding it as well.  I put Daniel’s head in front of me before pulling my breastfeeding bra down, so there is no nipple to be seen the entire time.  Ok fine, except when he decides to pull off and smile at me, but I can’t really control that.  Plus it’s adorable.  But even then, only someone sitting beside me would be able to see it.

Tuesday, Jess, the kids, and I, had to pick up some stuff Aaron bought GraysOnline  .  They have this big area with lounges where you wait while they get your stuff and call your number.  Daniel was hungry.  I sat down and fed him.  He wasn’t finished when they called my number.  I stood up and went to the counter, still feeding Daniel as I walked.  Boy did I get some strange looks.  My stomach was hanging out that time.  Can’t really hide it when standing….

Then we went to Costco where I saw a lady walking around breastfeeding while shopping.  I wanted to hug her.  I thought it was great.  The baby was hungry, she fed it.  Why do people think that’s so weird?  It’s not like there’s anywhere to sit and feed a baby at Costco.  I suppose you could sit on one of their demo outdoor furniture settings (I may have contemplated such a thing…), but I don’t think they would have appreciated that too much.

So would you breastfeed in public?  Why or why not?

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Funny looks at the supermarket

Yesterday was a bit of a write off.  Aaron was sick.  Hannah was sick. Or tired or something.  She was crying and throwing tantrums whenever she didn’t get her way.  Sounds like typical 2 year old stuff, but she only does that when she’s sick or really tired.  Daniel didn’t want to sleep.  Maybe he had a belly ache too.  Everyone but me.  Sigh (for them, not for me, I’m quite happy I didn’t have a belly ache!).  I never spend an entire morning at home, unless it’s when Aaron’s home and he takes Hannah somewhere so I can have a rest.  But yesterday, in addition to all the sick people, it was pouring down rain.  Pouring.  The kind where you look out the window and no matter how bored you are, you definitely don’t want to venture out there.

I must have gone soft.  I am, after all, from Washington State.  It’s always raining there….  Anyway, by the afternoon the rain had stopped.  Hannah and I were making cookies, but I didn’t have any baking powder, so we decided to venture to the supermarket, and finally get out of the house.

After walking around the supermarket for a little bit, in search of chicken soup for Aaron, and baking powder to finish the cookies, I got a bit hot.  They always crank up the heater on cold days and the aircon on hot days.  It’s never the right temperature…  I unzipped my jumper and kept shopping.  The supermarket was packed.  Seems everyone else was waiting for the rain to finish before venturing forth too.  People kept looking at me funny.  I thought maybe it was because I was wearing a backpack (nappies, spare clothes, and all the stuff you need for two kids just doesn’t fit in my purse, and a nappy bag hanging from my shoulder whilst carrying an infant and holding the hand of a toddler just doesn’t work.  So, backpack it is) and pushing around a double pram in the supermarket.

Then I got home, stepped out of the car, looked down for some odd reason, and it hit me.  I hadn’t actually pulled my shirt back down after breastfeeding Daniel before we left for the supermarket.  Sigh. Lucky for me I was wearing a breastfeeding singlet (tank top) under my normal shirt, so my belly wasn’t just hanging out, but I still looked very odd.  I’m sure one day I’ll forget to put my boob away after feeding and go out like that.  It wouldn’t surprise me.  I’m just that awesome.

Why so much noise?

I’ve always liked getting the ads/circulars in the mail. I look forward to them every week. Last week, Aldi’s ads showed they were having a huge toy sale. This of course, led me to arrive at Aldi’s just before 9am on sale day, with Hannah and Grandma in tow, in a quest for birthday presents. Who would have thought that sale day at Aldi’s is like a pride of lions who have been starved for a week, ravenous for their next meal. People were lined up in no real order, more like mobbed up, outside the door, waiting for pole position when the automatic glass doors were turned on. People tried to get in front of each other and made a mad scramble for the toys (and tools, tools were there too). Luckily, I made a wise choice and left Hannah outside with Grandma while I joined the mad dash in search for a toy I wanted. For those of you reading this from the U.S., let me explain a little about Aldi’s. Aldi’s is no ordinary shop. It’s a German grocery store giant that has started the quest to take over Australia by offering good food of their own brand (and some name brands every so often) at basement prices. They don’t always have the same things, but there are some staple items that they do always carry. The rest of it, mostly the non food items, are only there for a week at a time, sometimes not coming back for over a year. Sometimes they have massive toy sales, sometimes they have no toys at all. Sometimes they have gardening things, sometimes they have none. When they run out of their special items, that’s it, no more. We did get the desired presents for Hannah, and escaped without any bruises or confrontations. I did bend my nail back while trying to pick up a big box though. That kinda hurt.

It’s very cold here at the moment, 0-1 degree in the morning (Celsius, not Fahrenheit). Even so, Hannah loves nothing more then running down the hall way sans clothing, giggling and squealing to anyone who happens to be around. Every time I get her ready for her bath, I put her down for just a moment while I put her dirty nappy in the nappy bucket and no sooner then I’ve put her down, she’s off. I’ll have to let her run around for longer when it’s a bit warmer, but for now, I just chase after her, snatch her up and get her in the bath, giggling and bouncing the whole way.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a red coloured mole on on my chest, sometimes visible to anyone depending on what kind of shirt I wear and how high it is. Don’t worry, I’ve had it checked out, and there is nothing wrong with it. I tried telling that to Hannah, but she won’t listen. She seems to feel that said mole needs to be removed asap. This of course involves her flinging my hair out of the way, pulling down my shirt, and then trying to scratch and pull the mole off.

“WAAAAAAAA!!!!” I looked at the clock. 5am. I grabbed the baby monitor and turned on the sleepy music. Hopefully Hannah would fall asleep again by the end of the music. She didn’t. I got up to go and pat her. And pat her and pat her and pat her. I’m trying to wean her. It’s not going so well. I patted her for 2 hours, then it was time to get up for the day. She didn’t relent and sleep, I didn’t relent and give her boob (until 7am, as it was time to get up for the day). We’ve been down to 2 feeds in 24 hours for quite a while now, but I thought it was time to get down to 1, in hopes of then having none just after she turns 1. I, of course, wanted to get rid of the overnight feed first. Hannah, of course, had other ideas. Seems she’s quite fond of the overnight feed and has no problem crying for 2 hours straight to get it. After 2 nights of our battle of wills, Hannah won. I gave in and fed her. New plan: get rid of her dream feed (when I go in her room at 9:45pm, and without fully waking her, feed her, and put her back to bed). She hasn’t missed that feed one bit, and sometimes she is sleeping right through without waking up for her overnight feed. It would help if she ate her dinner, I’m sure, but she doesn’t seem to like dinner for some reason.

Why is it that microwaves, washing machines, etc. always make obnoxiously loud beeping noises when you push their buttons? Seriously, I’m pushing buttons on the microwave to make it heat for one minute. I can see my button pushing is working from the screen that now says 1:00. Why the need for the beep? Do manufacturers have a joint mission to wake up sleeping babies and annoy everyone? Why is there no off switch for obnoxiously loud beeps? Or at least a volume button or something. Then if I leave the food I just heated in the microwave for a longer then the microwave deems acceptable after it’s finished heating, it will beep at me more. And then more and more, until I take it out. Does the microwave think I’m senile? I’ve forgotten that I put something in there?

I was thinking I might change my blog to a more normal blog, that is one that is updated every couple of days, but not so long each time. What does everyone think about that, do you prefer the once per week long blog, or would you rather a every couple of days not as long blog (and each entry would probably be more well written as I wouldn’t get distracted by tv or something while writing it)?

This week

Tuesday:
Hannah hasn’t been interested in her afternoon naps, so I decided that today would be the day to cut her day time naps down to 2. I kept her up for 2 hours before her first half (rather then the usual 1.5), and she fed and went down great. I gave her some banana for breakfast for the first time. I really thought she’d like it, but she made funny faces and then refused to eat anything else after (hmmm…sounds a little like me when I was little). I guess I’ll try again tomorrow. She went down for her second nap just fine, after being awake for 3 hours (instead of the usual 2), but then woke up after half an hour and proceeded to scream the house down when I tried to get her back to sleep.
Maybe all the irritation is teething though. She has been pulling at her ear to the point where she has actually scratched the inside of her ear 3 times and has dried blood all over it. I would just wet a cotton bud (Q-tip) and get it off, but she would flip about and then I’d probably end up bursting her eardrum or something equally horrible, so I just let it clean itself.
We went for a walk this afternoon to the supermarket (it’s about 20 minutes away by foot). The lady in front of us in the line to the self checkout kept staring at Hannah. I know she’s cute, but I thought that this lady must just think she’s super cute. I went around the front of the pram to talk to Hannah and saw the dried blood in her ear. No wonder the lady was staring. I don’t want to know what she was thinking, but I’m sure it wasn’t good (OK, so that happened last week, but I forgot to write about it then).
I went through Hannah’s closet today to organise the mountain of clothing. I can’t believe how many clothes she has! I found an entire bag of size 00 and 0, which she is in right now, that I forgot was even there. I had to reorganise her dresser just to make everything fit, and the bottom of her closet is absolutely full of garbage bags now labelled with the size of clothing they contain.

Wednesday:
Hannah got up twice to feed during the night. That’s what she’s been doing for a while now. There was a point where she was getting up 4 times, so I’m grateful for 2. Most of the other babies in my group are also getting up twice. I wonder why they do that now? I mean they used to get up once or not at all, and now they routinely get up twice. Oh well, it’s certainly better then 4 times! Unfortunately the racket outside also woke me up. Just as I was getting back to sleep from her second feed at 5am, I heard a noise which sounded remarkably like someone heavily sweeping a tarp right inside my bedroom. I’m pretty sure it was a street sweeper, but who knows. I wonder why noise ordinances don’t cover garbage trucks and street sweepers. I like to be sleeping at 5am, not lying in bed awake and annoyed at all the noise outside. That of course, was followed by the kookaburra’s “laughing” at 5:30 like they always do, in some tree right near our unit, which was then followed by Hannah waking up from all the noise. She put herself back to sleep though, and eventually, I went to sleep too.
I tried to give Hannah some banana again. I learned from my mistake last time, and gave her the apple (which she likes) first. She still doesn’t like the banana. I will keep trying though. They say it takes babies up to 10 times of trying something before they might like it. After that if they reject it, you know it’s because they actually don’t like it, not because it’s unfamiliar.
I put Hannah down for her nap at 9:30. She went out like a light, so I got in the shower. 10 minutes later I heard her grizzling through the baby monitor. I finished my shower just in time for the screaming to start. 1 hour and 1 boob later, she was finally back asleep. She slept for nearly 2 hours which made me late for lunch with the girls. Why is it that the only time they have a really good nap it’s when you’re supposed to be somewhere?
We have our tv set up to start recording a chosen show 10 minutes before it starts and continue recording for 10 minutes after it’s supposed to finish. So you’d think we would definitely be able to catch the end and start of our programs, right? Well, it seems that the Australian networks are a lot special and even though the shows are not even remotely live, they can’t seem to stick with the times they are supposed to be on. Is it really that hard to start and end a program on time? We only just found out who was voted out in Survivor. Just as Probst held up the very last vote, the recording cut out. And that was 10 minutes after it was supposed to end. Seriously, why do you have to annoy everyone stupid tv networks?? And it’s not just that one program, this is a regular thing. That is why we have it set to record 10 minutes before and 10 after. We used to have it set for 5, but that just didn’t cut it anymore. I think we may have to go to 15 soon. I should write channel 9 a complaint letter….

Thursday:
I put Hannah in her highchair with some reservation. She has been crying and arching her back in attempt to escape every time I put her there to feed her. I didn’t know anything about high chairs when we bought it and therefore didn’t realise what a ridiculous design it is. The back is not sturdy, but rather is held in place by the straps that secure baby in. So baby can’t sit up properly and is instead swallowed up by the chair with just a little head poking out. No wonder she doesn’t like it. I ended up feeding her her new big girl multigrain rice cereal in my lap on the floor. I think I may need to visit ikea for the simple wooden highchair, the kind she likes so much.
A mortgage broker was supposed to come and talk to us today, but he cancelled at the last minute. When he called to cancel he said he was sick and that he would leave it up to me what I wanted to do. That was basically saying he can’t really be bothered, so the option to not see him is on the table. I took it. Just because we are not buying a really expensive house around here, and instead are going to move west where things are actually affordable, doesn’t mean that we are a waste of anyone’s time. I’ll find someone who actually cares.

Friday:
Hannah slept really well this morning. She napped for 1 hour and 45 minutes. But then this afternoon she wouldn’t sleep at all. Then she had to have her 6 month injections. She didn’t even cry for the first one. She even smiled at the girl who was holding down her chubby little leg. She had to have another injection in her other leg and I think she screamed for both after the second one. Then she looked at me with the sad “how could you hold me down while they hurt me like that Mommy?” look on her face and then stuck out her bottom lip. I felt HORRIBLE!!

Saturday:
Wow, she slept right through to 3:50am and then wanted a feed. At 5:30 she woke again. “I don’t know why she is awake again,” I said to Aaron crankily. I went in her room and picked her up. She could have easily been mistaken for a furnace, she was burning up. I took her bubba bag off and gave her some baby panadol, some comfort booby to stop the screaming, and then put her back to bed. Sometimes when they get immunised, they get a fever. She never has before, but I guess there’s a first for everything. Poor baby.
I took Hannah grocery shopping at lunch time. Some crazy woman almost backed right into us when I was pushing Bubba in the shopping trolley in the parking lot. The car wasn’t moving and there was no room for us to get by in front, so we looked both ways and walked behind her. All of a sudden, she started backing up. Then as she was backing, looked in the rear view mirror and slammed on her breaks missing us (well, me, I started running as soon as she started backing, so Hannah was in the clear) by only a couple inches. Seriously, who starts backing BEFORE looking to see if there is anything behind them. Especially in a parking lot, where there are lots of small children who don’t look where they are going? That’s actually not the first time that that’s happened to us either. Once a couple weeks ago, we were walking on the sidewalk next to the street and someone started backing up out of their driveway when we were already half way through their driveway when they started backing. Another case of not looking before backing. It’s amazing what amuses babies. Hannah played with a tube of Lucas’ paw paw ointment for 25 minutes. I suppose it is rather versatile, she can chew it, pass it from hand to hand, examine it, try to pull the writing off of it, run it along the bed as if it were a toy car, and of course, her favorite, hit Mommy with it.

Sunday:
I gave her some pureed chicken and sweetcorn to try this morning, and she loved it. Huh, she doesn’t like banana, but loves broccoli, pumpkin, potato, sweet potato, avocado, chicken, and sweetcorn. I haven’t offered the zucchini again since the um…incident. I’m still a little scared.
It was hard leaving Hannah by herself with someone other then immediate family, but we bucked up and did it. She had her very first time in creche while we were at church. It was a little strange being in church without her. We could actually focus on the sermon rather then trying to keep her quiet and entertained. We picked her up straight away rather then milling about like we usually do. We peeked in and saw that she was happily playing on the floor with one of the ladies. They said she was very well behaved the whole time and didn’t even cry once. What a good girl!

Monday:
I know I usually do my blog on Monday’s, but Hannah and I went to Parramatta to meet The Jess and Romana and baby Violet. Hannah squealed and got excited when she saw Violet even though she has only met her once before. I guess she likes Violet.
In the evening, Hannah and I had dinner with Aaron in the city. Walking back to the bus stop, a gust of wind came and I had a horrifying Marilyn Monroe moment. But not just for a second. This was like the wind had a vendetta against me. My entire dress was up past my butt long enough for me to try to get it down, fail, then say to Aaron “I’m having a little bit of a problem here!” and it was still up. I could hear people laughing. “What underwear are you wearing?” Aaron asked. I thought about it and then told him “Black ones.” Phew, I wasn’t wearing ugly embarrassing granny panties. When I got home, I realised I wasn’t wearing the black ones at all, I wore those yesterday. I was in fact, wearing ugly embarrassing white, half see through granny panties. Not half see through because that is the way the came, but half see through due to wear. I think it’s time to buy new underwear….

bad tasting breastmilk

Time since birth: 10 weeks
Weight loss this week: forgot to weigh myself before eating this morning….

One of the bonuses of breastfeeding is that you don’t get your period. I went to the bathroom one morning and to my horror, found that i had started my period. WTF?!?! Of course i immediately googled the matter and found that some women get their monthly when their baby starts sleeping 6 or more hours per night consistently (because you then don’t breastfed during that time and have less of the period suppressing hormones). It can be lighter then normal, and shorter, and not every month. Bubba didn’t like it either. the hormones can affect the taste of your milk. She would take a couple sips, scream, try again, scream, and so on, until after about 20 minutes she decided that was as good as it was going to get and just ate it anyway. This happened every feed for three days. On the plus side, she has been sleeping 8 hours straight at night time. Last night she slept for 9.5 hours straight. She has been refusing to sleep during the day though (unless I take her for a walk, then she sleeps in the pram for the duration of the walk, but wakes up as soon as we set foot in the house. How does she know???).

I forgot to write about our guinea pig last week (or maybe I was just blocking it out). I went to feed them the week before last and found Speedy dead in the corner of the cage. I think motherhood has made me a bit soft as I did shed a few tears. We wanted to bury her, but we have no garden tools, so Aaron wrapped her up in newspaper and threw her in the bin. At least she had a good long life. She was about 4 and a half years old (guinea pigs usually have a life span of 3-5 years). She was our first little baby and will be missed. We still have Stinky and Smarty, both are doing well despite the loss of their friend.

Maybe it’s because I’m American, but I think toilet humour is quite funny. Hannah does too. I make farting noises to her and she smiles. Once she even giggled. She also finds it quite funny while she’s sitting on you to lift her little bubba butt, fart, put it back down, and then giving you a cheeky little grin. Of course the funniest thing in the world of Bubba is when she projectile poops on Mommy (which happens when her nappy is off and she coughs).

We went to one of the antenatal girls houses this week for our catch up. We were able to line up all the babies (in birth order) and take a some photos. I look forward to our catch up each week. Some times you just need to get out of the house and talk to people who are going through the same thing as you, and compare notes (“is your baby sleeping more then 30 minutes at a time during the day, because mine isn’t. How often does your baby poo?” stuff like that. You probably wouldn’t want to hear our conversations right after the births!). Hannah seems to have a little boyfriend too. She and another baby always look at eachother every time they meet. Sometimes the even smile at eachother. All of our babies are within 6 weeks of eachother, with Hannah the second oldest.

Aaron went to visit some friends in the Penrith area on Saturday night, and didn’t get home until 11pm or so. He still woke up at his usual 6pm, so he was quite tired on Sunday. We were sitting on the couch, and I could see him drifting off to sleep out of the corner of my eye. It was that eyes close, head goes down, wake suddenly to pick up head kind of sleep. He got past the head falling down stage and nearly face planted from the couch to the floor! He only just startled awake in time to catch himself before possibly needing a trip to the emergency room for a broken nose.

my first mammogram

Time since birth: 4 weeks 1 day
Total weight loss: 9.9kgs (21.8lbs)
Total weight loss this week (well, for the last 2 weeks): 2.9kg (6.4lbs)

Yay, I can finally fit my bum into a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans. It’s so not the point that I can barley button them, they give me a muffin top, and they are too uncomfortably tight to actually wear anywhere. I did borrow a pair of size 10 (aussie size 10 that is, don’t get too scared my american friends!) pair of jeans so I don’t have to always wear the one pair of pants that I own that actually fit me (and they aren’t even jeans).

A good thing about being pregnant is that you don’t get your period. Unfortunately, what people fail to mention is the bleeding after birth (called lochia). It’s like you have to make up for all of those months of not bleeding. Some people are lucky and only bleed for 2 weeks. Me, not so lucky, I’m still bleeding. Of course, it’s a lot lighter then right after birth when I got it all over the hospital bed in my sleep (I’m sure they get that a lot), but it’s still annoying.

I had my boob ultrasound last week. It took a while as I have so many lumps, and you are laying down, so I pretty much fell asleep. I did actually drift off a few times. She understood that I am a new mom, and we don’t get as much sleep as before, so she was very understanding. She told me my big lump is now 4cm long, 4 times bigger than it was last year, and filled with fluid. They don’t think it’s anything sinister, but recommended further investigation.

Further investigation lead me to my first mammogram. I felt very out of place in the waiting room, amongst all the old ladies, and even more so as I also had a crying baby with me. Hannah couldn’t come in with me because of the x-rays, so all the ladies who worked there fought over who got to watch her. Lucky she’s cute, or I might have had to leave her screaming in her pram outside the door as no one would have wanted to watch her. I never tire of people telling me how cute she is.

I have been told that a mammogram is so painful you almost pass out, so I was quite nervous about the whole thing. Also, I wasn’t too crazy about the thought of having my boobs pancaked.

First, you take your top off and bear all to the mammogram technician (who, lucky for me, was a woman). Next, place boob (with help of woman) on flat plate thing and wait for top plate thing to come down and pancake boob. Then, watch as your milk sprays all over the mammogram machine and narrowly misses the technician. How embarrassing…. Repeat with other boob. Next, the flat boob squisher plate turns sideways. Slot your boob for squishing from the side this time, watch milk go everywhere, including dripping all over self this time, and repeat with other boob. It didn’t actually hurt that much, and was over quite quickly. I haven’t gone back to the doctor yet to get my results, so tune in next week to find out.

Little Hannah also made a trip to the hospital this week for her appointment with the cardiologist. What an expensive week (cardiologist $400, mammogram $200). She still sports a hole in her heart between two ventricles, and it is unlikely to close. Luckily though, it is not causing her any problems and shouldn’t in the future. We do have to keep an eye on it throughout her life and we have to go back in 8 weeks (when her systems are done making the womb to world transition) to make sure all is well.

Saturday we took Hannah for her first long car trip to Penrith. We thought she’d love it as she loves the movement of the car, but she did a poo right after we left and then cried the whole ride. Can’t say that I’d like to sit in poo either. On the way home she slept the whole time and then continued to sleep for another 3 hours before waking up for a feed. She doesn’t poop at night so we didn’t have that problem on the way home.

baby poo, vomiting, and sleepless nights

Time since birth: 3 weeks 1 day
Total weight loss: don’t know, keep forgetting to weigh myself before eating
Weight loss this week: see above

I’m starting to get used to middle of the night feeds, posseting (spit up/baby vomit), crying, etc. You’re in the hospital for 2 nights (some people are there for only one, or none!), then you go home, and really have no idea what you’re doing. I have to admit, I called the midwives at the hospital at night more then once when I was still “under their care” (which was until Hannah was a week old) to ask questions. The charts all say baby poo is yellow, what if it’s green? I call and ask. I think I’m just a paranoid mom. Is it ok that she only sleeps for 12 hours in a 24 hour period (it is for now, call back if it doesn’t improve)? Is that going to affect her development (no, the average 16-18 hours sleep per day is an average, some babies sleep for 10 hours, others 20, depends on the baby)? Is it ok that she poops about 10 times a day, a lot of the really small little poops (yes, some babies poop after every feed, some do just a couple of big poops, everybody poops!)? She gets the hiccups a lot, is that normal (yes, and it doesn’t bother infants apparently, although Hannah doesn’t seem to like them much)? She gets a lot of wind, is it ok to use infacol (wind drops for babies that bind all their wind together so they can easily get it up in one big burp/fart. And yes, it’s fine to use it does not harm them one little bit)? How do I know when one boob is empty (still not really 100% sure on that one…)? The lump in my boob has exploded to about 5 times the size that was, is that due to hormones (probably, but I will have an ultrasound on it again just to be sure. Then if it looks dodgy, I will have another biopsy. I had one a year ago, and it was just a fibroadenoma, which is benign. I think my body just likes to make lumps and tumours to scare me)? They probably think I’m a pest calling so often. But you know what? We just want the best for our baby, and want to make sure we are doing everything right.

Grandma gave me a book a number of months ago called “What to Expect When The First Year.” I just started reading it, and found that I’m normal. I’m not the only one that goes into baby’s bedroom to look at baby while she is sleeping just to make sure she is breathing. I’m not the only one who worries that I’m not making enough milk, or that she is not getting enough milk. Apparently pretty much every mother on the face of the earth does these things, which probably means that a lot of mothers call the midwives at the hospital to annoy them with questions like I did. The book answers a lot of questions, and has a month by month what to expect. I highly recommend it.

The other night, I woke up to the sound of crying on the baby monitor. I wasn’t feeling particularly hot, but I thought I must have been, as I was sweating between my boobs. It took me a bit to realise that it wasn’t sweat at all, my let down (when the milk starts flowing) has decided to not wait until Hannah starts sucking, but instead starts when she cries. I had milk all over my chest. Lucky I bought a few boxes of breast pads before Hannah was born.

I have a special chair in Hannah’s room that I feed her in (except sometimes during the day I feed her on the couch now that I’m skilled enough to do so). It’s a gliding rocking chair, with a boomerang pillow that I put on my lap to lay Hannah on so I don’t have to actually hold all of her weight. I lay her on her side on the pillow, across me, with her mouth on the chosen boob. One day, after feeding her, I noticed she had a wet patch on the front of her onesie, off to one side. How in the world did she wet herself there?? I could understand it a bit if she were a boy, maybe it was pointing there when laying on his side or something, but a girl? At the next night feed, it happened again. How in the world are you doing this, little one? That is when I realised that when feeding on one side, the other side leaks. She didn’t wet herself at all, I wet her! I don’t particularly like wearing a bra to bed, so now I just put a breast pad between me and Hannah during the night feeds. Problem solved, no more wet Hannah Banana.

Friday I met with some of the girls from my antenatal class (and a couple of the husbands were there too as they had not yet gone back to work). We (girls) decided that we want to meet up regularly and go for pram walks (a walk while pushing babies in prams) and lunch. I decided (ok, Hannah’s tummy decided) that would be the perfect time to try feeding in public. I don’t really want to be one of those “hi, here’s my boob” people, so how do you do it discreetly? We all went to the local cafe, but they seemed none to happy to accommodate us and didn’t even try to help us move tables so we could all sit together and have room for our prams (even though they didn’t have any customers at the time, and would have gotten a nice chunk of change since there were quite a few of us), so instead we went to the pub. Hannah decided before we arrived that it was meal time, so I had to do it. It was quite awkward at first. I got one of the girls to hold up a cloth while I attached Hannah, but when you have to do it a few times (she likes to be burped a few times during each feed), that is just not practical. On the other hand, I didn’t really want everyone to see my boob and nipple, so what do you do? I tried to do the cloth thing myself (throw it over your shoulder, try to attach baby), but how do you see what you are doing? That didn’t work. I finally decided the best way is to bring baby to boob, then when baby’s head is blocking view of boob, that is when you pull up your shirt. Before you bring baby’s head to boob, unhook feeding bra so all you need to do when baby is blocking view of boob is pull up shirt, and bam, baby is on nipple, and unless someone was really trying to see and at the right angle (like sitting right next to you), no one will see your goodies. At least I don’t think they will. I feel a lot more comfortable with the whole thing now. The build up was nerve wracking, you just have to do it.

We still haven’t taken Hannah to very populated places (like shopping centres) (she has only been for walkies around where we live, to the pub for lunch, bible study, and church). Maybe we are being over protective, but we are afraid of taking her where lots of people are because we don’t want her to get their germs. Swine flu is on the prowl, we don’t want our little Hannah Banana to get swine flu! We decided that when she is 6 weeks old, then we will start taking her out. Her little immune system is just not ready for the world yet (or our silly brains, one or the other).

The linea nigra (line going down the centre of my belly) is supposed to go away after birth, but I wonder how long it takes. Mine is still there, loud and proud. It does look rather odd, with no big pregnant belly to accompany it. It hasn’t even remotely faded. I still can’t fit my butt into my pre pregnancy jeans (which fit me with the belly belt until the last couple of months of pregnancy when my butt seemed to expand), yet I am quite small, so I must have been really small before. And I always thought I had a big bum. I suppose I’ve just gotten bigger all over, so you don’t really notice that I’m bigger then before I was pregnant (it’s in proportion is what I’m trying to get at. I don’t make a lot of sense, must be lack of continuous sleep).

One night, I awoke to something touching me. As I woke up more, I realised I was being patted. Aaron was patting me like you pat a baby. Rhythmically, gently, patting my hip (I was on my side). He must have been dreaming about holding Hannah because he was fast asleep. I grabbed his hand and held it against my hip. I got some nonsense, not actual words asleep garbledy goop in response.

Everyone tells us how cute little Hannah is. People even say she looks like a doll. I may be biased, but she certainly is cute! I may be weird, but I often just look at her while she is feeding, or sleeping on my shoulder, and marvel at how absolutely cute she is. Her little face is just perfect. When she gets an upset tummy (wind), I wish I could just take away her pain so she never has to feel it. I want to protect her from everything. I guess that’s just being a Mom.

My jaundiced baby

Time since birth: 2 weeks 1 day
Total weight loss: 7kg (15.4lbs)
Weight loss this week: 100g (.22lbs but I weighed myself after eating and fully clothed so this is not too accurate)

Last Monday (a week ago today) a nurse from the early childhood centre came to do a home visit. She checked Hannah’s jaundice (which is now gone), weighed her (she had gained over 200g since that Thursday, which is really good), pushed on my tummy to see how my uterus is going, and asked any questions that I have. She said we were doing really well and that I seemed really calm for a new mom. I find it very odd that after getting stitches when Hannah was born, not one person has checked the stitches since then. I had a total of 4 home visits (3 from midwives, 1 from the nurse), and some checks in hospital, but no stitch check. This seems very odd to me. What if they are infected or not healing right or something. I wouldn’t know, I don’t know what vajayjay stitches are supposed to look like (nor can I see down there anyway…). I’m sure they are fine, but I still find it odd. I would think that would be something that needs checking.

I can’t remember if I mentioned it last week, but after you have a baby, your appetite goes out the window. I had to force myself to eat 3 meals per day for a week and a half. I could only get through small portions. The nurse said that is normal, and is due to hormones, etc. I’m happy to report that I now have my appetite back. Unfortunately I have not been drinking any milk as Hannah had lots of gas and I read online that sometimes this can be due to mom’s ingesting milk products. So, I’m giving up milk for a week to see if there is a change. It’s torture though, I LOVE milk!! I don’t think she has been as gassy though. Poor little Hannah gets quite distressed when she has too much wind. her poor little tummy hurts. Hopefully I can reintroduce milk slowly to my diet. I will have to ask the nurse about such things.

It’s funny how things change as soon as you have a baby. I never used to go out without at least a light dusting of my mineral makeup, but now, who cares, I just had a baby, I don’t have time for that! I’ve been living in sweats since I got home, and only shower every other day (except for washing my stitches which I do every day). I walk to the shops in my sweats and take Hannah for walks in my sweats. That is just what happens after you become a mom. I don’t want to be daggy for the rest of my life, but for now, while little Hannah is so young and in need of attention all the time, I just don’t have time to make myself look nice.

I am so thankful to our church and it’s members. They have been bringing us meals since we came home from hospital. I don’t know what we’d do without it. There just isn’t time (or energy) for cooking dinner at the moment. Hannah doesn’t really like to sleep during the day (she is sleeping now, but it’s the first time she has slept today, and it’s 4:40 in the afternoon), so that doesn’t really give me time to tend to any house duties or cooking. We are very grateful!

My coccyx is still sore, but getting better. I can now sit on the couch and breastfeeding chair (cushioned gliding rocking chair in Hannah’s room. Hannah and I love that chair) without a folded towel under each cheek. I still can’t drive as the seats in the car are quite hard and I have to sit really awkwardly in the car. If it was an automatic I might be able to drive it, but as it’s a manual, I’d have to sit properly to have both feet doing what they are supposed to, and that is painful still.

Hannah loves it when Mommy or Daddy holds her in a sitting position so she can stare at our faces. Sometimes she even smiles. She may not like to sleep during the day, but at night, Hannah is wonderful. She usually sleeps at about 10pm after a feed, and then sleeps for 5 hours. Another feed, diaper change, and settling (45min – 1 hour total), and she sleeps for another 2-4 hours. Another feed, etc, and she sleeps for another 2-4 hours. I get lots of sleep luckily (most nights, but we have had the odd bad night). She is just so cute.

Hannah was really unsettled yesterday. She didn’t sleep all day. We went to church last night, but she cried so much that Aaron had to take her out to the car and just sit with her the whole time while she bawled her eyes out. I wish I knew how to make her feel better when she is so unsettled. We check her nappy, feed her, make sure she is not too hot or cold, give her cuddles, etc, but still, she cries. I guess it’s just because she is a baby. She looks tired (yawning, and other tired signs), wakes up about 5 min after putting her to bed. I suppose she will grow out of it though. Better to be like that during the day then all night though! She does sleep when I take her for a walk in her pram. She will be bawling her eyes out all the way to the top of the driveway, then, as soon as we hit the sidewalk, she is out. She will be out the whole walk time, until we get right outside our driveway, then she is up and screaming again. I don’t know how she knows we’re home, but somehow, she always does. She is too smart for her own good I think.

I find getting out for a walk does wonders for me too. I like to get some fresh air, and it really puts me in a good mood. I might be really stressed or upset from trying to settle Hannah all day, but as soon as we go for a walk, I’m refreshed. Good old vitamin D (the happy vitamin) I suppose. I guess that is why all the baby books tell you to get out everyday no matter what, even if it’s just to the mailbox and back. Good advice, I second that. I like going for pram walks so much that I emailed all the girls from my antenatal class (we all keep in touch and meet up sometimes) and suggested we all meet up fairly regularly after everyone has their babies (one popped yesterday, and another today, a couple more to go) and go for pram walks. I’ve gotten favourable responses so far.

Anyway, Hannah might wake up soon, so I’m going to go now. ToOdLeS!