Dinosaur in the bath

Daniel loves baths. Sometimes I let him take his non-bath toys in the bath, which makes him very excited.

“DINOSAUR IN THE BATH!!!” he shouts with glee when one of his precious dollar store dino friends accompanies him in the bathtub.

“I pooped,” he told me the other day just before bath time. I cleaned him up and let him wander to the bathroom sans pants.

As he was walking, he looked down. “PENIS IN THE BATH!!!” He shouted with glee, just like he does when he gets to bring one of his toys with him.  He joyfully announced that his penis would accompany him in the bath about 5 times before he got in.

Only he seems to think he’s french and says le in front of everything, so it was more like “LE PENIS IN THE BATH!!!”

Unfortunately, he also doesn’t say th very well, and says ff instead, so it was actually like this:

“LE PENIS IN THE BAFF!”

My son, the french bogan.  Sigh.

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Copyright 2013 Sheri Thomson

The quiet Mommy

I’ve been singing to Hannah while she has a bath since she was tiny.  She loves it.  Ok, she used to love it.  I’m not delusional, I know I suck at singing.  But I did it anyway.  Kids don’t care if your  singing sounds like a dying moose, they just like that you sing to them.  Until they get to toddler-hood….

Hannah was in the bath the other day and I was singing to her as usual.

“Twinkle twinkle little star” I belted.

She looked at me all serious and told me matter of factly:

I would be offended if I wasn’t laughing so hard.

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One of those days….

I looked at the clock.  7:30am.  Hannah was stirring, making cute little baby (ok toddler, I’ll try to stop kidding myself) noises, talking to her dollies.  I let her play for a while and then it went quiet.  Not like the “I’ve just fallen back asleep” quiet.  I don’t know how I knew she wasn’t asleep, but I knew.  I guess Moms just know such things.  It was more of a worried (my worry, not hers) quiet.  A something’s happened quiet.  Or maybe an “I’m doing something cheeky” quiet.  I wasn’t sure, but I decided to go in.  Usually I would assume she’d gone back to sleep and let her sleep on.

I slowly opened the door.  I suppose there was a chance that my intuition was chucking a sickie (pretending to be sick and taking the day off for those of you not used to such Aussie lingo).  Or that my intuition is just a little special anyway.  I walked into her room, a big smile on my face and peered into the cot.

My heart dropped.  I nearly wet myself.  I think I lost 2 years off my life.  My eyes continued searching the cot.  She wasn’t there.  The room was silent.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life.

Busted!!!

A tiny movement caught my eye.  My heart was still pounding.  I was still silently freaking out.  But then I saw her.  She was sitting on the floor of her room, clothes and books scattered all around her, like a tornado had recently been through her room.  My bible was on her lap, it’s pages being not so gently turned by a mischevious toddler, excited by the fact that she was now in possession of a book I never let her play with.  It’s pages are so thin and fragile, I didn’t want her to break it.  Silently, she sat there, in awe of the book that Mommy reads to her every day before bed.

“You cheeky little baby!”  She turned and gave me the cheekiest little cute smile that she could possibly muster.  “How did you climb out of your cot?”

Luckily she didn’t hurt herself.  I’ve never had to put the cot rail up before.  Usually she

Surrounding her was a mountain of chaos

wore a sleeping bag to bed.  Not for climb preventing, but because she starts the night at one end of the cot and ends up at the other, losing her blankets in the process.  Last night though, it was really hot, too hot for the sleeping bag.  I put her to bed in light-weight pants and a t-shirt.  Perfect climbing attire, apparently.

Later that morning:

Why is there a raisin floating in the bath?  Did cheeky baby take a raisin with her?

Where did that pea come from? Hannah was squatting.  She momentarily stopped playing.  OH. My. Goodness.  She is POOPING in the bath!  SHE IS POOPING IN THE BATH!  Oh man, what do I do? It kept coming.  When she finished, she started playing again, oblivious to the fact that her pristine bath was now full of excretement, carrots, raisins, peas, and corn casually floating on the surface, looking like that hadn’t ever travelled through an entire digestive system.

“GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!”  I freaked out a little.  A lot, whatever, I won’t lie.  She didn’t hear me, she is a little deaf.  “GRANDMA!!!”  louder this time.  She came in, rather quickly for an 80 year old woman with hip trouble.  The urgent note in my voice must have tipped her off.

She looked at Hannah who was stark naked, standing next to the bath, clearly longing to actually be in the bath.  Grandma gave me a puzzled look.

“There’s been an accident….”  I pointed towards the bath.  Grandma laughed.  This is SO not funny right now!!

It would have been easy to clean up had the offending bodily waste been nuggets.  But no, it wasn’t nuggets.  It would have been easy if it were a log.  No, not that easy either.  No, this poo, this-first-time-she’s-ever-pooed-in-the-bath poo was runny.  It was everywhere.  It was like someone had put a kilo (ok, that is an exaggeration) of that flaky brown fish food in the tub and then threw in some pea, corn and carrot mix just for kicks and giggles.

Well, I wasn’t giggling.  How am I going to clean this up???

“Just drain the bath.”  Grandma told me.  I kept staring in the bath, unable to actually put my hand in to reach the plug.  You want me to put my hand in there?  With the POOP??!!!  My hand is going to be in the same water as the POOP?!

“Do you want me to do it?” Grandma asked.

“No.”  Well, I kinda did, but I had to woman up and do it myself.  I hesitated and then reached in, an “oh my goodness this is disgusting” look plastered all over my face.  The water started draining from the bath but slowed after all the chunky bits settled in the drain.  I can’t look, it’s too disgusting. I grabbed my razor; the only thing handy that was disposable and useful in such a situation.  The handle end proved good at stirring up the chunky bits, allowing the water to go down the drain without my hand having to once again enter the contaminated bath water.

A wipe proved useful in removing the chunky bits (aka peas, corn, carrots and raisins).  Everything was washed, scrubbed, and put back.  The bedraggled baby was put back in the tub, and bath time recommenced.  Please don’t poop, please don’t poop.

It’s gonna be one of those days.

`

Pee pee bath, beach time, mummified, and up all night

Time since birth: 4 months
Where has the time gone??

I’m not impressed, I have a cold. The skin around my nostrils is bright red and peeling due to excessive nose blowing. I sound like I have a frog in my throat. I feel like I have a frog in my throat. My nose has turned into a faucet. I’ve been feeding Hannah with kleenex stuffed up my nose so it doesn’t drip on her. I must look rather funny, a boob hanging out with a bubba attached, kleenex hanging out of my nose. I think Hannah might have caught my cold. Last night she was up 5 times. Never in her life has she been up 5 times before (I kept records, I checked). She doesn’t seem sick though. I suppose there are a million other reasons why a baby would be up so many times. The first time (10pm) she seemed gassy, the kind that burns when it comes out. I patted her and she screamed as she did huge farts. I thought she had done a giant poo, but upon nappy checking, all I found was pee. I gave her some booby to settle her down and then she went back to sleep. 12pm – the crying started again. She seemed a bit snuffly. I gave her some booby and she went back to sleep. 2pm, surely she can’t be hungry again. I patted her and let her suck my finger (after I sanitised it) and she went back to sleep. 3pm, awake again. I gave her some more booby which she took ravenously. 5pm, I could hear her grizzling, and crying a bit on the monitor, but I didn’t get up, it didn’t sound urgent. She went back to sleep. As I said, there are so many reasons why she could have been waking up. Maybe she was too hot or cold (it was pretty hot at the beginning of the night), maybe she was uncomfortable with wind or just the way she was wrapped. Maybe she was hungry. Maybe she just couldn’t resettle herself after her sleep cycle (babies have sleep cycles of about 45 minutes). Who knows. I just hope that tonight is better. I feel like a zombie today. Maybe more like a mummy, I do have kleenex hanging out of my nose. I could walk around with my arms in front of me and scare small children if I wanted to. Come to think of it, zombies and mummies are quite similar. Maybe mummies are just zombies with bandages? Yes, I know I’m random.

The race that stops the nation. That is the Melbourne cup. I like to dress up for the occasion, as I have done for a few years now. It’s fun to put on a nice dress and put a fascinator (or hat, whatever takes your fancy) in your hair to watch the race. I’m not particularly into horse racing (I feel a bit sorry for the horses, I think backyard horses would get so much more love and attention), but it’s a good excuse to dress up. I was going to wear the fascinator myself, but I put it on Hannah for a bit of a laugh. She looked so cute that I left it there. We went to the pub with Grandma to watch the race and I could hear everyone commenting on how cute Hannah was as we walked by.

Aaron usually gives Hannah her bath, but sometimes I feel like a bit of a bath, so she has one with me. We have a bit of a special hot water system in this apartment building that only refills once per day (well, night, sometime in the middle of it). There is enough water for 2 showers with a bit left over, or a bath and a shower. Needless to say if Aaron and I both wish to stay clean, Hannah can’t have a bath as often as needed, so she ends up having a shower with Aaron most of the time. I felt like a bath, so after I had a relaxing nice bath, in came Aaron with Hannah for her wash. He stood her up in the water, holding under her armpits to balance her. Her lower half is usually under the water, but since she was standing, Aaron could clearly see that she did pee pees as soon as she got in. I wonder if she always does that. Is it gross that I didn’t get out? I mean I was already in there, It was already in the water, we were out of hot water, and getting out wasn’t going to change the fact that it was already on me. It’s not like it was a huge volume or anything either, she is only tiny. I think Aaron is a bit scared of having a bath with her now. It’s funny, before having a baby, I would have been mortified to think that I would be in a bath with pee, but now, after being peed on, pooed on, vomited on, finding vomit in my hair at the end of the day and not knowing when it got there, etc., a little pee does not bother me. Of course if I could control the matter, there would never be pee in the bath with me, but it’s out of my control, so what can you do? Shortly after the pee fountain, the bathtub became a spa. Little bubbles came up all around Hannah. I take it she likes to fart in the bath too. Maybe she was just gassy that day. Lucky for me, there was no follow through. That, I would have vacated the bath for.

It was supposed to rain on Saturday, but it ended up being a very nice day. We went to a lunch at someone from Aaron’s works house near the beach, so we decided to take Bubba to the beach for the first time. I had already purchased her a really cute little swimming suit. Well, it’s not so little, it like a rashee with legs. It covers her from her neck, to her wrists to her ankles, and is SPF 50. Don’t want the bubba getting sunburned!! I also bought her a sun tent. It’s like a dome tent that you sleep in when camping, only it has an open side. That way you can always have shade at the beach and not burn the Bubba. We didn’t stay long at the beach as it was quite windy, but Hannah seemed to really like it. We stood her in the sand (holding under her armpits, she is a super baby, but she can’t stand yet…), and she smiled and wanted to bounce. She loves to bounce. She bends her little knees and then pushes and who ever is holding her then pulls her up as if she is jumping. She loves it.