80s shorts | Mommy Adventures

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Butt shorts

I was in desperate need of some new shorts. I owned exactly one pair. And that pair is too big. Sigh. No, I lie, I own two pairs, but the second pair even bigger on me than the first pair.

So, I went to the the shopping centre in search of some new shorts. Easy, right? Wrong. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find shorts that cover your entire butt? It’s hard.

I haven’t been clothes shopping in a while. A long while. Apart from those jeans
I bought a few months ago. I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of bright, neon colours that were on everything. Including the shorts. It was like a psychedelic rainbow threw up. And not just in a couple shops. That was how all the shops were. Sigh.

It was hard enough finding a pair of non rainbow puke shorts (which may look fine on tweens and teens, but on someone approaching 30? Not so much. Ok, fine, I totally would have worn a pink or purple pair, but they were all orange, yellow, and green), but non rainbow puke AND non butt showing shorts? Almost impossible. No one should wear butt-showing shorts. No one. They are not hot. They are not flattering. They are not appropriate. And they sure as heck shouldn’t be worn by a mother of two who has short legs and cellulite thighs.

Seems the fashion these days is to have the waist of your shorts nearly up to your boobs and the bottom of the shorts half way up your butt, with the bottom of your butt blowing in the wind. Ugh.

The in fashion butt shorts. It’s hard to find shorts that don’t look like this!

I’m sorry, but I would rather the general public not see my butt, thank you very much. I would rather walk around happy in the knowledge that my entire butt was nicely covered by my shorts. I even wear stretch shorts under my skirts and dresses just in case my dress/skirt flies up in the wind or I have to bend over to pick up kids. Or the more likely scenario of the kids pulling up the skirt/dress to see what colour underpants lies beneath.

My preferred length of shorts (not that it’s easy to tell how long/short they are on a stick figure…)

Maybe I’m just stuck in my generation of fashion because I really don’t like what the kids are wearing these days. Not that today’s fashion is anything new, it’s just the ’80s recycled. ’80s fashion didn’t look good then, and it doesn’t look good now. It’s likely possible that I’m just getting old and and am completely fashion retarded.

After going in many stores, I finally managed to find some shorts that don’t show my butt. They stop just after my butt, and are way shorter than I’d prefer, but they are the longest of the short. It’s getting hot, so I’m not about to wear jeans all summer. Australia is too hot for that! I did find one pair that goes nearly to my knees. That’s a bit longer than I’d prefer (because I’m short, I have short legs, and shorts to my knees just make them look shorter. That is, however, better than my butt hanging out. Plus they tend to make me too hot in the summer) but you know, limited options.

So I came out with 3 pairs of shorts, and now I have to start riding the bike and doing more squats at the gym so I don’t look so ridiculous in them. I am small, yes, but I’m also pear shaped and have short legs. I carry all the weight in my hips and thighs. Gotta tone them up. Sigh.

A couple inches longer would have been nice….

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