We were all sitting down to breakfast: eggs, bacon, toast, baked beans for those who don’t think they are uber disgusting (like myself)…. It’s winter, but sometimes it gets a bit hot. Well, sometimes I get a bit hot. Probably because I have my own little personal furnace in my belly that gives me hot flushes like a menopausal woman from time to time. Yes, the joys of pregnancy.
I took off my jumper (uh…that’s sweater, for those of you who don’t speak Aussie).
“Your arms look big.” Grandma told me.
My eyes grew to the size of saucers. I was mortified! Visions of old ladies with masses of loose skin and fat dangling down when they hold their arms up filled my head. I didn’t know what to say. Yes, I was lost for words. What does one say when someone is causally saying that your arms are now jiggly lumps of jelly (jello)? I sat there, jumper half on, half off, staring at her in shock. Aaron stared at me. YaYa stared at me, both wondering what on earth I was going to say. Hannah continued singing twinkle twinkle little star to herself whilst eating her porridge.
Grandma must have noticed my mortification. “I’m just not used to your arms being that big,” she told me “I’ve never seen them that big before.”
“You’re just digging yourself a hole Grandma!” Aaron told her.
“Ok, I think I’m just going to put my jumper back on and never expose my fat arms again…” I told everyone, still mortified.
“You can’t tell a pregnant woman that she’s fat Grandma.” Aaron said.
“I’m 81, I can say whatever I want, I don’t care! I didn’t say she’s fat, I said her arms are fatter! You’ve put on fat everywhere, your boobs, your butt, your face…”
I would have curled into a ball and hid under a rock had it not been so funny.
“Hold on, I have to get a piece of paper and a pen, I have to write this down!” I scrambled off to write everything down, word for word. “This is definitely going on the blog!”
“You’re just digging deeper Grandma.” Aaron told her.
“What?! You can’t blame the baby for all that fat, it’s not gonna be 10 stone! It’s not even gonna be 10 pounds!”
By this stage, everyone except Grandma, who still maintained that she had said nothing wrong, was hysterically laughing. Totally not the point that I’ve gained over 16kgs (35lbs) so far. As of a couple of weeks ago anyway. I haven’t been game enough to weigh myself since then. Sigh.
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Tags: 35 weeks pregnant, conversation, extended family, family, funny, in-laws, life, pregnancy
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