Not a vibrator (I don’t think)

30 Aug

I have to admit, I laughed when I opened the email containing a review request for the LELO Smart Wand all over body massager. Usually “all over body massager” is code for…you know…vibrator…. And I’m not about to start reviewing vibrators.

But then I watched the how to use it YouTube video (and I was quite apprehensive of what I might be about to see before I hit play) and found that it actually is a massager. I think.

How to use the LELO smart wand

So I said yes. I could use a massage, so sure, send it my way. I googled LELO smart wand, and found you can buy them from sex shops. Hmm… What was I getting myself in to?

It’s actually quite large. The end is about the size of my fist.

I seriously thought a vibrator was going to turn up at my door step. When the LELO did arrive, the box was quite large. I didn’t know it was the LELO that the package contained. Discreet packaging you see. Which is good, because if a delivery man thinks that kegel exercisers are “personal massagers,” (you can read that story here) then what would he think of an all over body massager? I didn’t really want to re-live that embarrassment again. Phew.

I opened the box.

“Oh, that’s definitely not a vibrator!” I told Aaron rather excitedly. It was way too big for that sort of thing. If I ordered a vibrator for actual um… vibrate-y things, I would be like “Oh heck no! You’re not coming near me with that thing!”

So yeah, all over body massager it actually is. I’m pretty sure.

I checked all of the instructions for good measure. There was no “do not insert…” warning, but I’m still going to go with that’s not what it’s for.

Massaging her own back. Easy.

It just so happend that I could use a shoulder massage, so after charging it up, I turned it on and went to work. With the 8 different vibration settings, I could start the massage slow and pick it up from there. Oh boy did it undo some knots.

It’s easy to reach your own shoulders because of the curved design. Oh, and did I mention it’s water proof? Yeah, you can take that bad boy in the bath with you. Relaxing bath, with a shoulder massage? Yes please. Can you tell that shoulder massages are my favourite? It’s also relaxing on my legs, feet, and lower back.

So just why is it shaped rather like a penis? I’m not sure. But because it is, I feel like I have to hide it away so anyone who comes over doesn’t see it. Even though it’s not used for any coital purposes. And I certainly can’t let any friends have a back massage with it because it does look like a vibrator. Despite it’s large size. I think they might be rather frightened if I pulled it out and said “hey, try this out.”

Hannah thinks it’s the best toy ever, and loves to turn it on and run around the house with it. Which looks rather funny/alarming/weird/horrible/cringeworthy due to it’s phallic appearance. I really hope that she doesn’t go in my room, grab it, and run around with it when we have people over. Sigh. Hopefully she doesn’t know where I hide it.

Maybe people do use it for um…you know… Maybe they don’t. I don’t know. All I know is that use it as a shoulder/leg/foot/back massager, and it is very good at that. 

PROS:

-8 different settings
-Curve makes it easy to reach your own back and shoulders
-Comes in different colours (Mine is purple, my favourite!)
-Completely waterproof
-Rechargeable
-1 year warranty
-Discreet packaging

CONS:

-Phallic appearance (although maybe some people like feeling like they are getting a back massage from a penis?)
-A bit pricey
– I really hope my Grandma isn’t reading this

To Buy a LELO smart wand, click here

UPDATE:

The lady who contacted me about reviewing the smart wand seems like she has a good sense of humour, and is easily approachable, so I asked her, “Just out of curiosity, do people use the smart wand as a vibrator?”

Hahahaha!

She said it was designed to be used on the back and legs and shoulders, and that it should not be used as a vibrator. But, ” since we can not control what people do when they buy a product ( as much as we can not control what people do when they buy a cucumber at the supermarket) some people, we have noticed, use as clitoris vibrator (not inserting anywhere, i hope), but they do it because the vibrations are really strong.”

I love that she put the bit about a cucumber in there. Funny lady hahahahaha!

*I received a free LELO smart wand for review purposes.
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Copyright 2012 Sheri Thomson

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21 Responses to “Not a vibrator (I don’t think)”

  1. Megan Ballard (Fashionistamomma) September 2, 2012 at 7:05 am #

    I’m new to blogging and started following other moms from top mommy blogs. Love your blog and sense of humor. Thanks for the amusing review on the massage product. 🙂

  2. someone September 19, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    lelo makes vibrators. they are for masturbation. this post is almost too hilarious, i think it’s fake.

    • Mommy Adventures September 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

      It’s not fake, this is my review, and it is meant to be funny.

  3. Pixel September 19, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    Oooh, you’re lucky! I’ve been wanting to review one of their wand vibrators for forever! Sadly, the only Lelo toy I have is one of their rabbit style vibes.

  4. NymphetamineKiss September 19, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    Lelo is a sex toy company. The Smart Wand can be referred to as whatever people like, but it what it is, and that is a discretely named vibrator. No shame in it. What with you being a “Mommy blogger”, I’ll go ahead and presume you have actually engaged in sexual activity…

    I’ll just carry on reviewing sex toys. Honestly, this is why sex toy stores should stick to specialist bloggers.

    NK x

    • Mommy Adventures September 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

      They probably wanted to branch out…. But I’m not about to start blogging about my sex life on my g(ish) rated mommy blog.

  5. Lilly September 19, 2012 at 11:43 am #

    Wow….you’re kinda uptight. It looks like a PENIS? Um….no, no it does not. The fact that you honestly think so makes me worried about many things for you. The Smart Wand looks like any other massager on the market, it’s just prettier than the Acuvibe or Hitachi. I feel really sorry for both you and your husband. And your kids, too, because you’re really prudish and sex negative. Are you an Italian Catholic? I review *gasp* sex toys but I know better than to leave my link here. I might be the devil, after all.

    • Mommy Adventures September 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      Look lady, there is no need to be malicious. You don’t know me. You can’t gauge my personality from one blog post. No one forced you to read this. No one asked for your opinion. If you actually poked your nose around my blog a little bit, you’d see that it is not the type of blog that should be talking about sex. Just because I don’t want to talk about my sex life on my blog does not make me a prude. That is not what my blog is about and that is not what my readers come here to read about. I’m not sure what makes you think that just because you review sex toys I’d assume you might be the devil or something, but whatever. And if you did leave your link, I’d delete it. Not because you review sex toys, but because my blog is not a place for free advertising.

      • Annoyed September 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

        Actually by being so anti-sex toy in your blog, you’ve upset a lot of people (not a good way to blog) – it doesn’t matter if LELO meant the item as a massager or not, it’s your attitude/style of writing towards an industry which people make their lives.

        A blog is meant to be read – its been read and the reply function offers comments, feedback and opinions!

      • Mommy Adventures September 19, 2012 at 7:04 pm #

        If people get upset by a mommy blogger not wanting to write about a vibrator, then maybe they are the ones who need to loosen up a bit. Plus if I offend someone, oh well, can’t please everyone. People are entitled to have different opinions and don’t have to like all the same stuff as other people.

        Plus, I used the item as directed and specified, and reviewed accordingly. I see nothing wrong with that. And guess what? The LELO people LOVED my review!

  6. Annoyed September 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

    Maybe you should review the product a little better instead of being disgusted by the idea of sex toys… LELO – make amazing toys (vibrators…dildos (<-they're not the same thing by the way, and most vibrators are not "inserted")….and their perfect creation the LELO Ella!!)…. Maybe you should use it as a sex toy and not a "massager" it might… Just might loosen you up a bit!!

  7. perilousvoyageofme September 20, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    That’s it… coming to your aid on this one. I looked it up, and yes… Lelo does make adult products. However, they also make a line of non-adult products that are just body massagers, not vibrators. Just because something plugs in or has batteries doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a sex toy people. Mind out of gutters. And seriously, if you were hoping for a blog reviewing sex toys… wrong blog, and you don’t have any right to be mad at the blogger because of it. Move along.

    • Mommy Adventures September 20, 2012 at 6:13 am #

      THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • NymphetamineKiss September 20, 2012 at 7:52 am #

      No one came here “looking for a blog reviewing sex toys” – most of us came here because we were agog that a grown woman could be so sex-negative, shaming and that a company we usually respect would actually work with her.

      There are plenty of incredibly food sex/review blogs out there, the draw here was to see if the rumours were true and someone really had reviewed a Lelo vibrator in the manner of a high school girl.

      Turns out they did.

  8. NWink September 20, 2012 at 1:14 am #

    I am pretty sure no one would care if you simply reviewed it as a massager. It’s up to you how you use a thing that can be used multiple ways.
    The issue is that most of your review (from the title itself) isn’t about the product, it’s about you constantly repeating it’s not a vibrator, how you were afraid of it being a vibrator, how it looks like penis (it really doesn’t), how you don’t want anyone to see it etc.
    You make it sound like owning and using a vibrator is something wrong. That’s why people who love sex toys (like myself) are so annoyed by this.
    (Plus your assumption that a vibrator needs to be inserted is stupid.)

    • Mommy Adventures September 20, 2012 at 6:24 am #

      In case you didn’t notice, it is supposed to be funny. That is how I review all the things I review. I don’t just do the review, I do a story along with it. People who ask me to review things know that. And my usual readers did think it was funny. I’m not saying it’s wrong to own a vibrator, that’s the persons choice and none of my business, which is exactly why if something looks like a vibrator, I wouldn’t want anyone to see it. None of their business, it’s a personal thing. All of you people who came here from the numerous tweets about this post that seem to be going around are not my target audience, so of course this post is not in your taste, and you’re not my target demographic.

      Did you know that there are 26 bones in your foot? No? Does that make you stupid? No. So I’m not sorry, but my assumption that a vibrator needs to be inserted is not stupid. You can’t know everything about everything.

      Also, this is what the lelo people said about my review. So HA!

      Thanks a lot for the great review on it, its very nice and as usual when you write on our products very humorous!

      Please let me know any time in case you are interested to review any other product on the Lelo or intimina line, we love to work with you.

      Keep in touch

  9. Vibrators October 3, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    You got so many points here, that’s why I love reading your post. Thank you so much!

  10. Video Sponsoring Review October 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Wow….you’re kind of strained. It looks like a PENIS? Um….no, no it does not. The point that you genuinely think so creates me concerned about many factors for you. The Intelligent Magic wand looks like any other massager available on the industry, it’s just more attractive than the Acuvibe or Hitachi. I experience really sorry for both you and your spouse. And your children, too, because you are really prudish and sex adverse. Are you an French language Catholic? I evaluation *gasp* adult toys and games but I know better than to keep my weblink here. I might be the demon, after all.

    • Em March 11, 2015 at 2:41 pm #

      Okay so I never comment on things on the Internet but after reading this, I do have to add my two cents.
      You seem like a very nice lady and it was a good review.
      That being said…. I do agree with a lot of the other women that have posted. It screams of pretencious and uptight. The whole thing makes you sound like a prude who is incredibly offended by anything remotely related to sex. This is the exact reason why there remains a negative attitude and stereotypes towards women who use sex toys.
      Lelo IS a very well known sex toy company. Yes, it is, simple as that.
      Very well made products!
      Anyway, the other women are correct. Nothing personal, just letting you know 🙂

      • Mommy Adventures April 8, 2015 at 2:12 pm #

        Thank you for reading. I just wanted to let you know that I am not pretentious and uptight, but I feel that my sex life is between me and my husband, not us and the internet, so I certainly don’t want to write about it on a blog that my parents and grandparents read. Maybe just put yourself in my shoes for a minute: If you thought you were getting a back massager to review, but then a sex toy turned up, what would you do? I have no problem with women who use sex toys, that’s their business, not mine, I just don’t want to write about it. Thank you for conveying your opinion in a nice manner, you might just be the only one.

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