Surviving India

11 Apr

Let me just start by saying I would be absolutely fine going to India.  No problem.

So I was in the kitchen with YaYa (Aaron’s mum, who is visiting from Byron Bay), Grandma (who is actually Aaron’s Grandma, YaYa’s mum), and of course Hannah.  I don’t know exactly how the conversation came up, but it went something like this:

Me: “I’ll do the dishes when Hannah goes to bed.”

YaYa: “I can do the dishes.”

Me: “No, I’ll do them.  What do you think I bought a dishwasher for?”  Of course the real reason I bought one is because Grandma kept doing the dishes before I got a chance and wouldn’t take no for an answer (and doesn’t see very well, so they didn’t exactly get really clean…).  We didn’t move in so she could help me, but the other way around.

YaYa: “I can hang out your washing then.”

Me: “I can hang out my washing.  Why does everyone want to do my work for me?  I can do my own work.”

YaYa: “You’re so stubborn, we’re just trying to help.”

Me: “I don’t need help.  Besides, I don’t like people touching my underwear!”

Yaya (laughing): “What?! You’re funny about those things aren’t you?”

Me: “What, I don’t want people touching something that then sits on my crotch.”  Not to mention, what if whoever was hanging out my washing had just been chopping chilli’s, or onion, then they touched my underpants, which then touched my nether region?  Yeah, THEN WHAT?  Burning?  My poor vajayjay would be on fire!  I don’t know where someone else’s hands have been, and it’s my crotch. Plus, every woman has those undies.  The ones you wear when it’s that time of the month.  The ones that inevitably get ridiculously gross looking reddish/brown stains on them but you don’t want to throw them out because you’re just going to ruin more next month.  Then when you run out of good undies because it’s been raining and you can’t put them on the line to dry, you have to wear those undies.  Then those undies have to be put on the line to dry.  I know every girl has those undies, but that doesn’t mean I want anyone to actually see mine!

YaYa: “You’d never survive in India.”  I don’t know where that came from.

Me: “Yes I would!  I’d be fine there!”

YaYa and Grandma: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

Me: “What?  I’d be fine!”

YaYa: “People poo on the street, you wouldn’t want to eat any of the food, and the smell when you get off the plane…”  What, I eat butter chicken.  And Tandoori chicken.  There’s always rice.  And banana’s.

Grandma (who has never actually been to India): “It’s filthy there.  You see this brown coloured haze.  And people wipe with their hand.  There are dead bodies on the street!”

Me: “I’ve been to the slums of South Africa. I was just fine.”

YaYa: “India is way worse.”

Me: “You don’t know that, you’ve never been to Africa!”

YaYa: “Men come up and grope your boobs or butt or front.  What would you do if someone came up and groped you?”

Me: “Um…I’d slap them across the face.  What else would I do?”  Surely it’s not a common occurence for random men to come up and grope you?

YaYa (laughing): “You’d get arrested!”

Grandma (laughing): “The police don’t care about a white woman!  They throw you in jail!”

Me: “Whatever, I’d be fine.”

Grandma: “You’d be lucky to get out alive!”

Why does everyone think it’s so funny that I want to go to India someday?

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10 Responses to “Surviving India”

  1. Lauren April 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    Oh Sheri – just for the record, you ARE weird about some of these things! You don’t like people touching your undies (fair call) but then you’ll broadcast about “those undies” like it’s old news! I can definitely tell you – there’s gonna be at least 50% of all readers made squeamish by your post today!! (probably all men, but still!) 🙂 You crack me up Sheri Beri!!!!!! Love you!!!! Oh, and if you wanna go to India, I’ll sooooo come with you – Kellie and I have been talking about that for years, but we’re going to Vietnam first instead… “Toodles”!!

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

      you’re weird too…….. I mostly want to go to India to prove to everyone that I can, but it would be cool to see, and I would get some really interesting photos. Of course with a Hannah and Baby Brother, that’s not really possible… P.S. I like making people squeamish. it’s fun.

  2. easylifestyles April 11, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

    Another great post. Thanks for sharing this. Spending time with my family is something that truly makes me happy in life. I enjoy reading your blog very much.

    Fun Family Activity Ideas

  3. Jess April 11, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Sheri you know they would just come up and touch you because you are so pale. I know that would freak you out. Admit it, all the other stuff aside imagine 20 dirt rough hands touching you.

  4. Daddy John April 12, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    Sheri,
    Wow, you just answered the mystery why men are not allowed to do laundry! It works for me.

    About India, take your own toilet paper, carry a paper bag to poop in when you can’t find a sanitary hole in the dirt, lots of sani wipes, a BIG stick to hit perverts over the head with, and of course, a big, ugly body guard — to keep you from beating the crap out of the perverts.

    Dad

  5. LB(cruiseshipblogger) April 12, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    Safety in numbers. Take Lozz. And Aaron. And whoever else will go. Then they can all surround you and keep those dirty hands off you. Or just beat them over the head with “those undies.” That ought to scare them away.

    Some telemarketer just called and your dad (having just read your blog) answered them in a fake India accent and told them he lived in Bangladesh and actually got them to apologize and say they’d take his name off the list.

  6. JustTheirDad May 3, 2011 at 5:55 am #

    Ok, I’m a guy and dad, and that panty part didn’t send me running. Actually, I thought it was the funniest thing I read all day! I’m still laughing. Good stuff!

    I’m going to forward this one to my wife.

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