Why straight men shouldn’t be allowed to decorate

6 Apr

My Dad has always been into fishing.  Well, as long as I can remember anyway.  I used to love going fishing with my Dad.  We’d wake up at some un-Godly hour in the morning, get some donuts from the Red Barn, and then be on our way.  I’d sleep in the bow of the boat until a more reasonable hour, then wake up and eat some donuts and go fishing.  Good times.

The fish (but it used to be on a different wall, it got booted in favour of the new fish)

Anyway, fishing was good.  Until the day Dad brought home the fish. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, men put them in their offices, den’s, man cave’s, garages, or what have you.  But not my Dad. Nope, my Dad put the fish, the giant stuffed, mounted ugly fish, on the wall in our living room.  Not just any wall.  He put it on the one wall that you can clearly see through the giant bay window that faces the road.

My family always compared the fish to the leg lamp from ‘A Christmas Story.  If you haven’t seen that movie, go out and watch it, it’s pretty funny.  My Dad always hated the comparison and as soon as he saw us watching the movie, annoyingly stated “don’t you compare that lamp to my fish!!”  Haha, that was the whole reason we started watching the movie.  Someone suggested it to us because of the lamp.  Makes me giggle just thinking about it…

When I was in high school, I was on the track team.  Not that I like running, I hate it.  I was a pole vaulter.  Anyway, they had special activity buses to take the people who had to stay after school for some reason home.  They usually took a long time, since there weren’t very many, and had to cover a wide area, but they did the job.  When you get on, the bus driver asks where you live.  “Oh, you mean the house with the fish?”  The driver asked me.  Oh. My. Gosh.  Everyone on the bus was looking at me, wondering what the fish is.  If only there was a hole I could crawl into….

But it doesn’t stop there.  Before the fish, Dad put up some nice landscape photos that he took and framed.  They looked quite

stuffed fish

the second fish (where the first one was), the landscapes, and a chinese artwork

nice.  It was good to have something on the walls instead of  just the plain, white, boring paint.  But then the fish came.  The fish doesn’t match the photos.  In fact, it looked pretty silly (my Dad is going to kill me for writing this…not literally, no one call the police please).

Native American art plus the magazine covers

Slowly, he kept adding other things to the walls.  A framed magazine cover (under some native American artworks, neither of which went at all with the original landscape photos), some sort of bow and arrow, a cluster of random photos and paintings that neither match each other, nor anything else in the room.  He added another fish.

Recently, Dad started going to China for business on a fairly regular basis.  He brought home some hanging Chinese artworks and added those to the wall as well.  Looking around the living room, it’s kind of like my eyes are being assaulted with decoration overload.  What do I look at?  Why does none of it match?  What is that thing?  AARRRGGGHHH!

chinese artwork

my parents room

My parents re-did (well, did, it was never actually finished in the first place) the bathroom downstairs.  My mom suggested a theme for the bathroom: Lighthouses.  It looks fantastic!  Everything matches, it’s cute, it’s interesting, it’s pleasing to the eye.  But then there’s the pink flamingo.  Everything matches apart from that.  Guess who put that there?  Yeah, my Dad.

And this, ladies and gentleman, is why straight men should not be allowed to decorate:  They have no idea.  I’m sure they think it looks good, but really, it doesn’t.  Sigh, my Dad is not going to like reading this (but I hope you did!).  I hope he doesn’t die of embarrassment.

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21 Responses to “Why straight men shouldn’t be allowed to decorate”

  1. Fiona April 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    Oh, my. I love your dad. I mean, the one time I met him and shared that car drive up the mountain with him the day before your wedding… haha. But I’m struggling to love the fish. Really struggling. 😉
    And please tell me, how on earth did the bus driver know about the fish????

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm #

      Everyone knows about the fish. You can see it from the road. It’s like “hi, here’s my fish.” It’s known as the house with the fish. Sigh….

  2. Daddy John April 7, 2011 at 11:33 am #

    Sheri,
    Umm??? So let’s review this logically, shall we? You have established that my wonderful, beautiful fish replica, which happens to be a world record catch (I.G.F.A. 6-pound Line Class Record) is my leg lamp. Maybe to you, but to me it is an accomplishment and something to be extremely proud of. So my leg lamp is a world record fish legally caught by me.

    Now let’s talk about your leg lamp, your oh-so-special “Doo Doo” stickers that you stole and then proudly stuck to your (our) bedroom door. Oh the embarrassment of having a door covered with so many ugly, disgusting stickers. And then you leave your leg lamp here, to forever haunt us and embarrass us. But it reminds us of you.

    To recap, my leg lamp is a beautiful fish replica.

    Your leg lamp is a SH_T Sticker!

    Yeah, you are my daughter and I love you and your stickers. I also love my fish.
    Dad

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      Ah, but the difference is, *I *was like 16 when I put stickers on my door…. *You *were a grown man. But it’s not even about the fish, the fish is fine, as long as it’s not on the living room wall, it’s about your not-so-good decorating skills. I.e. nothing matches. I mean if there were nothing but fish on the walls, then at least everything would match. Oh no, I’m giving you ideas…………

  3. Beverly April 7, 2011 at 11:55 am #

    Well the fish is a thing of beauty, however I’m inclined to support you on the flamingo issue.

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

      But the fish is not exactly the point. The point is NOTHING MATCHES!! Well, and the fish shouldn’t be in the living room…. Yeah, the flamingo is fine on it’s own, but displayed with a bunch of cool lighthouses???? Not. So. Good.

  4. LB(cruiseshipblogger) April 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

    But the dad on A Christmas Story thought the leg lamp was a major prize………

    And the door is the Sheri shrine!

    Stickers or fish….I vote stickers.

    Sheri, you should do a would you hang this on your wall poll about the fish!

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

      Yeah, I totally should have put a poll in there….my bad. Only thought of it a few hours after I posted and by that stage, I already had 40 views, so it was a bit late.

  5. Heidi April 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm #

    Hahahaha, I like the fish, but Sheri is right, it doesn’t match the other stuff.

  6. idiosyncraticeye April 8, 2011 at 6:07 am #

    I wanted to click ‘like’ but it wouldn’t let me! However I do think that some are worse than others and actually some women are pretty clueless too! 😉

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 8, 2011 at 6:13 am #

      Huh, I wonder why it wouldn’t let you click like 😦 Oh well…thanks for trying. Yeah, I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule, but making a generalisation for the blog post was far more fun 🙂

  7. Lydia April 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

    One vote in favor of “the fish.” But I also like rocks and bones and things like that as decorations. So I might need a decorator to help me out…

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

      But I bet you don’t have random chinese things and native american paintings mixed in *with *that other stuff. See, you have a theme, rocks, bones, etc. that is still a theme, that is fine. It matches….

  8. Amy April 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    New Reader – This post is hilarious! Your daughter is too cute and congrats on your second little one!

  9. K April 9, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    This should be nominated for best post ever. Love the lamp leg/fish connection and even more the reply from your dad 🙂 That and the fact that even the bus driver knew about the fish! Its great you two have such a good relationship and memories like this one. :))

    K
    Newparent.com

  10. Lauren April 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    What the heck is a leg lamp????

    • Sheri (Mommy Stuff Blogger) April 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

      Haha, watch the movie, it’s worth it… Basically the dad in the movie won this “major prize” in something (can’t remember what, but the point is he won), and then the prize came and it was this plastic female leg with high heels and fishnets (I think..) with a lamp at the top. Pretty much a hooker leg with a lamp. And he was so proud of it he put it right in the window for all to see.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Flashback Friday: Legend of the leg lamp. I mean fish. « - January 6, 2012

    […] supposed to put it up for Christmas, but I didn’t have the time…. P.S. A while back, I wrote a post featuring the very same […]

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