The problem with swimming

5 Oct

Hannah: not your average baby

Hannah started swimming lessons last week (I would have posted about this last week, but I forgot to bring the camera, and no one likes a post without photos).  I knew she’d like them, she loves the bath, but I didn’t know that she’d LOVE them.  She had a smile plastered on her cute little pudgy face the entire time.  Some babies cried.  Not Hannah.  She giggled.  The instructor had us put our babies’ heads on our shoulders and walk backwards around the pool, simulating swimming for the little ones.

“Grab their legs and show them how to kick in the water” the instructor told us.  I didn’t have to.  Hannah decided kicking is what she does best, splashing me and anyone in my general vicinity while she was at it.  She struggled to free herself of me so she could swim on her own.  Cheeky monkey, you’re not ready for that yet!

In Washington, everything at the beach is grey.... In case you're wondering, this is me on my pony Snowman when I was about 14

I love swimming.  I always have.  Sure, I didn’t grow up near the beach, but somehow, I still love swimming.  To get to the ocean where I’m from involved a lengthy drive and camping.  Then when you got there, the water was so cold that you’d turn blue after swimming in it for a few minutes.  The sand was grey, the sky was grey, the water looked grey.  That’s Washington (State, NOT D.C.  There is a difference!).  But I didn’t care, I’d go swimming anyway.

I wore board shorts over my swimming suit when I took Hannah for her swimming lesson.  Not because I’m now a mom and have cellulite on my ass (although I have to admit, that is a factor).  Not because I have a very hungry butt that likes to devour my swimming suit at every opportunity (again, also a factor).  Not because they make bikini bottoms so small these days that they only seem to cover your bum-crack and nothing else.  Not because during pregnancy, the only place I got stretch marks was my butt.  Sure, these things were all factors, but I’d still don the bikini bottoms sans board shorts if it weren’t for the one problem I have with swimming:  I always forget to shave/wax/pluck/do something about my unfortunate bikini line.

I don’t want to be the one that’s running around on the beach or at the pool looking like I have a family of  big, black, angry spiders trying to escape from my nether regions.  Not only that, but when I do remember (or can be bothered) to shave first, I get those annoying little red bumps all over.  Which is worse, spiders coming out of your swimmers, or a million (ok, that’s an exaggeration) red bumps?  If I wax first (which takes much more effort and time.  Plus, where would I do it?  We live with Grandma now, so I can’t do it in the lounge room like I used to.  What if Grandma came in?  “Hey Grandma, oh yeah, that is my crotch hanging out, I’m just waxing.”  I could do it in my room, but what would I do whilst waxing?  There’s no working tv in there.  If you have to go through the discomfort (to put it lightly) of waxing, you need something to amuse yourself while you do it), then a couple of days later I get a million (ahem, exaggeration) ingrown hairs.  I suppose then I would look ok for the day of swimming (If I waxed the night before), but ingrowns (as well as the red bumps) are itchy.  I’d look good for a day, then I’d look like I have crabs.  Sometimes you just have to scratch.  Scratching makes it worse.  Then you have a million red lumps and/or ingrown hairs, long red scratch marks extending from your crotch, to halfway down your leg, inflammation, and everyone you are around at the time thinking that you must have crabs.  There’s always tweezing, that causes much less future problems, but it takes so long, and you know what?  I just can’t be bothered (and again, where would I do it?).

Bring on the boardies.  We’ll just pretend they’re to cover the cellulite.  Or the stretch marks.

3 Responses to “The problem with swimming”

  1. Fiona L October 11, 2010 at 9:41 pm #

    Oh, I found this so, so funny – cos I don’t have any boardshorts, so shaved that morning. And got the red bumps. We could have been twins. haha.

  2. Fiona L October 11, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    And waxing has the same ingrown affect on me – hard to know which is worse! I just went for the red bumps, and a quick entrance and exit at the pool. 🙂

    • photosheri October 12, 2010 at 6:13 am #

      It’s so annoying! maybe I’ll try getting it lasered….

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