The one where The Jess gets married

12 Aug

“I think Hannah is going to steal the spotlight at the wedding.”  I said to anyone who would listen.  We were at The Jess’ wedding rehearsal and Hannah was running anywhere and everywhere in the church, squealing, laughing, and getting the oldies to look at her.  Then she climbed over the little ledge, under the railing, and onto the stage.

The next day:

Waaaa!!!!!  I looked at the clock.  4:20-something am.  Hannah was crying.  Hang on, Hannah wasn’t there.  I was staying at Silvermere (where the wedding reception was) with The Jess.  Hannah was at home with Aaron.  Figures I’d dream about Hannah crying and actually wake up the one time I could have a non-interrupted sleep.  Stupid brain, stop being annoying….  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get back to sleep.  The Jess was getting married!  Not to mention, the night before, when we were eating fish and chips and Heaven ice cream in bed while watching “Grease,” I saw an ad on tv letting me know that the Amazing Race was coming to Australia.  For the first time, Australians could apply!  I couldn’t stop thinking about what to put on the audition video.  Of course we have to apply, we’ve always wanted to go on the Amazing Race, but Aussies were never allowed (and I wasn’t allowed to apply as an American because I don’t live there).   My tossing and turning woke The Jess up.  Oops.  Sorry The Jess.

We were up, it was early, we were hungry.  Why not go to the supermarket in our pajamas (ok, that doesn’t sound so out there to you Americans, but Aussies just don’t EVER do that!)?  Pancakes and eggs sounded pretty good.  Unfortunately when we got back (after some funny looks.  It’s not every day Aussies see someone in bright pink pajamas with white stars on them at the supermarket) we couldn’t work out how to use the industrial gas stove at the house.  Humph, no pancakes and eggs.  Back up plan, to the bakery we went (still in pj’s).  We loaded up on chocolate croissants and some cheese and bacon rolls for later.  So hungry….

Our hair and make up was taking ages (well, mostly mine, hmmm…what does that say about me?).  And what to do with those short little spiky bits of annoying hair that sit in the very front of my head on each side?  I can see your screwed up what-the-heck-do-you-have-those-for faces from here.  Well, a couple of months after Hannah was born, a lot of my hair decided to take a vacation.  It’s been growing back for some time now, but is still annoyingly short and sticks out funny mostly at the very front.  Awesome.

I walked past the front window of the house and nearly jumped out of my top.  Oh wait, I wasn’t wearing one.  I looked outside to find Lozza and Marianne laughing at me.  It’s not everyday you see someone frantically running around a house with no shirt on.  Don’t get too excited, I was wearing a bra.  I had to take my shirt off because I only had tight non-buttoning shirts which would mess up my newly curled hair when taking them off if I left them on.  Oh well, everyone’s seen my boobs anyway.  That’s what happens when you breast feed for a year.  Lozza brought the bouquets (and did an amazing job putting them together by the way) for us.  Lucky she was there as we needed extra hands to help The Jess get into her dress.  It was no easy feat.  There was no way we could get the dress over her butt if she were to step in it (we know because we tried), so we had to get it over her head without a) messing up her hair and b) ruining her makeup.  Let’s just say we got a little friendlier than any of us intended (but she did end up with the dress on, makeup intact, and hair not very messed up).  By that stage we were 30 minutes behind when we intended to depart for the church.  Oh well, the bride is always supposed to be fashionably late right?  I quickly slipped into my hollywood fat sucker (body stocking from bottom of boobs down to just above knees, designed to, well, keep it all in), stuck on my “revolutionary” boob sticker bra (which turned out to be see-through as well.  Hmmm… the whole point in my wearing said stickers was to hide nipples.  Oh well) to my poor deflated I’ve-fed-a-baby-for-a-whole-year boobies, followed by my slinky see through (lucky I wore the fat sucker or everyone would see my goodies) bridesmaid dress.  Step b: shove my duck feet into thin nice looking heels (and hope I don’t trip as I tend to not wear heels due to duck feet, and probable falling over).

We must have looked an interesting sight on the way to the church.  Bride and bridesmaid in the back seat with flower girl in the baby seat (Violet, not Hannah), Chief Bridesmaid (aka me) driving, sans shoes (I can’t drive in heels, I can hardly walk on them!).  Not that anyone outside could see my feet….  When we got there (faster than expected luckily), some people were milling about outside.  I know The Jess is no bridezilla, she didn’t seem to mind, but I was rather annoyed.  These people were going to see The Jess before she walked down the aisle!  I wanted to run out of the car and cover all of their eyes.  I couldn’t of course because I probably would have tripped, broken my ankle, and made everyone think I’m a nutbag.

I was getting nervous and I wasn’t even the one getting married!!  My nervousness was more about having to stand up the front ignoring my daughter as she would probably try to get to me, while wearing heels that I was not allowed to take off for the entire ceremony.

We decided to carry the babies (Romana, the other bridesmaid’s daughter was also a flower girl) instead of letting them walk up the aisle with their too-cute flower girl baskets, mainly because they probably wouldn’t walk up the aisle (they never perform when you want them to),  and would quite possibly take off running in some other direction, sending us in a frenzy with high heels, probably falling over, breaking a bone, and showing the whole crowd our unsexy fat sucking undergarments and/or tried-to-cover-them-up nipples.

The wedding went off without a hitch (the babies had to be taken outside when they started getting loud so they didn’t interrupt), The Jess managed not to cry during the ceremony (as far as I could see, but then again, her back was towards me most of the time), and no one forgot the rings (although The Jess almost forgot hers).

I know I wasn’t the photographer, but I couldn’t help myself, I took lots of photos at the reception.  I also decorated the pavlovas, decorated the newlyweds’ car and posed for bridal party photos, so I was a busy woman.  I actually ate less at The Jess wedding then at my own!  It was a beautiful day, a beautiful ceremony, and a great reception.  I hope The Jess and Jimmy had a great day and a wonderful honeymoon.

Here are some photos for your enjoyment (some are mine, some are the photographers.  None of the ceremony shots are mine, FYI).  Most of the getting ready photos have been eaten by my stupid memory card so I’ll have to post those later, after Aaron works his computer nerd file recovery skills :

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2 Responses to “The one where The Jess gets married”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The call that never came « Things and Stuff - October 18, 2010

    […] I’ve always wanted to be on the show, ever since the first season.  I even looked up eligibility, application deadlines, and race rules.  But I didn’t live in the U.S., so even though I am a U.S. citizen, I wasn’t eligible.  Then the amazing happened: The Amazing Race was coming to Australia.  I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. […]

  2. How to have an inexpensive wedding « - December 4, 2012

    […] and the bridesmaids can sleep there the night before) and have a reception there. My sister in law did that for her reception, and it worked really […]

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